Wow- what a morning. If there is something I can’t stand AT ALL l it is the sound of Jacob and Natalie arguing with one another and not being loving to each other! Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. This mama heart can simply not handle it. It does something to my insides. It is suuuuuuuuch an unsettling feeling and it yanks and tears at every fiber inside of me. My stomach gets into knots. My anxiety rises. It causes my heart to beat faster. Oh how I wish that there would just be love. Love every day. Love in every word. Love in every gesture. That the me-first selfish part of them would die and be buried forever. But then again, I remind myself that they are human, just like I am human. That they too were born with sinful hearts, just like I was born with a sinful heart. So it’s a journey of intentionally refining ourselves to be more like Jesus and asking for a lot of forgiveness along the way. But oh man did they get under my skin this morning! And it was all in the context of having a mutual friend over for a playdate. Having each of them vie for playtime with their friend- yeah, that doesn’t work so well for this mama heart. Not. at. all.

So now that the friend is back at his house and my kids are down for a much-needed afternoon nap, I sit here with the headphones on my head and I’ve escaped into the world of worship music. I’m going to try to continue counting my blessings despite the messiness of unloving feelings this morning between my kiddos. Here it goes. Change my mood, oh Lord, please through this.

124. I am thankful for headphones. For worship music. For the ability to find refuge in God’s embrace during this time of listening to praise music.

125. I am thankful that Jacob has found a best friend in Jack. I am thankful for their sweet way of being together and the innocent joy they find in building train tracks, playing pingo pong, jumping on the trampoline, playing Ticket to Ride together.

126. I am thankful that Natalie has found a best friend in Miriam. I am thankful for the take-me-down hugs of joy they give each other as they say hello. I am thankful for the sweet girlness that Natalie can revel in with her sweet friend.

127. I am thankful for Miriam’s mom who is excited to have Natalie over for homeschool/play time at their house. I am thankful for her creative lesson planning in having the girls follow a “how-to” book on painting princesses. A sweet joy to them, so perfectly girly and totally in line with what the teacher had asked for us to focus on.

128. I am thankful for my friend Sherryl who stepped in to be Young Life committee chair when really all fingers pointed to me to be in that position at the start of the year. Thankful that she took on that calling, so that I could rest at home and focus on the world of our family and homeschooling.

129. I am thankful that God has blessed Sherryl and Kevin with the miracle of life. I am thankful that the God of this universe is carefully knitting together a tiny boy inside of Sherryl at this very moment. While she and I chat about ministry stuff, the amazing Creator is in tune with every detail of this baby’s growth and development. So awesome. Such a miracle.

130. I am thankful that Steve could send me a text saying that the disaster drill at his school today went very well. So thankful. So thankful he can move on past the talk and notion of him being dead in a horrific situation at school.

131. I am thankful that Steve is so loving.

132. I am thankful that Steve’s hard work allows me to stay at home.

133. I am thankful for the money I could spend at Costco to buy groceries this week. Extravagant groceries, in comparison to what others in this world would ever buy or eat.

134. I am thankful that death has lost its sting in the saving life of Jesus Christ.

135. I am thankful that the riches of God’s love is incomparable to anything else. I just hope I have the faith to believe that if/when we ever enter a ‘desert’ of our life. I am thankful that God is growing my faith daily. I am thankful that He has been growing it since I was in 2nd grade. That’s nearly 33 years of bringing people into my life and revealing Himself, His words, His plans and blessing me abundantly. That’s a lot to be thankful for right there. That’s a big thought. A heavy thought. I’ve been in His embrace for 33 years. Wow.

136. I am thankful that I can run to Jesus’ arms on days like today when the life of being a mama frustrates me.

137. I am thankful that Steve and I had a creative date last Friday- by going to the Troubador in West Hollywood. Thankful that it was such a fun, different way of spending a date night. Standing there on a dance floor for a couple of hours, in his embrace, listening to good music. That was wonderful.

138. I am thankful for musicians. And thankful for when I can watch music being played live. I love seeing musicians pour their heart and soul into their instruments. Love that.

139. I am thankful there is power in the name of Jesus.

140. I am thankful for that sweet moment in the car today when the kids were reading the Action Bible together. And as Jack read the Creation account, he stopped and spoke of his awe that God spoke and there was light. Jack stopped and commented how cool that would be. To just speak and have light come out of nowhere. Yes. That is so true. That is huge power. That is cool. Beyond cool. That is AWE-some power. Power that ought to be awe-inspiring. Thankful for Jack’s pause and comment that brought God’s power to light for me today.

141. I am thankful that every chain can be broken in the power of Jesus. No one needs to live bound by anything. There is freedom that comes from faith in that power.

142. I am thankful that I believe. I am thankful that Steve believes. I am thankful that Jacob believes. I am thankful that Natalie believes. I am thankful for each person in our family who believes.

143. I am thankful for pictures.

144. I am thankful for the Adventure Club that we have joined. They call themselves the “Field School” I believe. But it’s fun in our family to call them the “Adventure Club.”

145. I am thankful that my friend Heidi heard you speaking God. Thank you for reaching out to her in 4 very clear ways. Thank you for revealing yourself in 4 different ways in one week. That is cool beyond cool. You are awesome God.

146. I am thankful for finger that can type, for legs that can walk, for a mind that can function, for eyes that can behold, for ears that can hear, for a mouth that can enunciate words clearly, for a tongue that can taste, for organs that work just as they were designed to. Thankful for the miracle of this functioning body.

147. I am thankful that we will get to see Teacher Ute once again today. Thankful that after nearly two months of not having her here for music class, that we will be in her company once again. Thankful oh Lord that you called her mother to you in a way that was a blessing to Ute. Thank you for letting her say goodbye.

148. Thankful that in 54 days we get to travel to New Jersey.

149. Thankful that I met my beautiful niece, Emily, yesterday for the very first time.

150. Thankful for the reminder it is when I hold a young child, how miraculous the growth of the human body is!!!

151. Thankful that I could behold my 5-month old niece Emily and her ever-so-cute sister Izzy. Oh the joy of seeing my best friend’s daughters right there live before my eyes, and not just on FaceTime. To see them in all their cuteness. To watch them move and play. Oh the joy. Thank you.

152. Thankful that after all these years Laura still gives me the biggest rib-crushing bear hug when she sees me and greets me. She welcomes me with such deeply genuine love that it just overwhelms me. Her hugs are amazing. I love her and I love her hugs.

153. Thankful for the sweet, sweet moment on Monday night when Emily, Jorunn, Diana and Shannon sang a worship song together that gave me chills. I felt I was listening to angels sing. Thankful for their hearts and that heart of worship.

154. Thankful that after writing out 30 blessings, my heart feels lighter and I’m ready to wake up the kiddos with a smile on my face and my soul feeling the privilege of being their mama. 🙂 Thank you Lord. Thank you.