thewallises

19. This morning as we walked into church and Steve walked to shuttle the kids to their Sunday School classes, Jacob slowed down in his pace and inquired “but isn’t today the last Sunday of the month???” “Yes! It has to be because it’s the 25th of November” he said aloud, confirming his own inquiry and thought that indeed it was the last Sunday. I knew exactly what would follow in conversation. He has been hoping, waiting, longing for the day that he could be a part of Communion with everyone else in the church body. And today was that day apparently, unbeknownst to Steve and I. We had put it off for awhile- always thinking that he was too young or perhaps he didn’t grasp its significance. I thank God for prompting Jacob’s heart; this was a yearning of Jacob’s heart to be in communion with the Lord. I thank God for the gift of His Holy Spirit that nudged Jacob and reminded him that today was the day. I love it that Jacob desires to grow in his faith and display his faith. So this morning Jacob sat with us through the worship songs, through the sermon and received into his 7-year old hands the Eucharist. Watching him hold the cracker and the cup of juice reminded me of a prayer I prayed many years ago. I prayed in earnestness when Steve and I were trying desperately to conceive a child, “Oh Lord, just as Hannah made a vow to you, saying ‘O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life.'” (1 Samuel 1:11) The Lord gave us Jacob. And this morning I was reminded as my son yearned to be praising and worshiping God, that God also heard and answered my prayer when I dedicated Jacob to the Lord, before we even knew him as Jacob. Before he had even been knit together in my womb. I am thankful that our years of sadness of being childless could be celebrated today as I looked down upon my son’s hands carefully holding the elements of communion. Thank you Lord for him. Thank you for his heart. Thank you for already calling him unto you.

There are so many things I can add to my Gratitude Journal! These past two days have been full, full days of joy. So many things I want to hold onto forever. Such sweetness. Such joy. I am thankful for much. These blessings I want to cherish for a long, long time.

11. The 4 of us devouring a mint chocolate chip ice cream sundae sitting in the middle of Main Street waiting for the fireworks show to begin. Right there smack dab in the middle of the street, sitting on Natalie’s fuzzy purple blanket. Four black spoons digging in. Ice cream melting fast and moving around with the invading spoons coming in from all angles. Hot fudge sauce pure delight. Each of us breaking off pieces of the waffle bowl, chomping on the chocolatey sweetness of the waffle part that was deep in the bowl. Were we rushing because the fireworks show was about to begin in 7 minutes when Daddy arrived with the sundae in hand? Or were we all rushing because we all wanted our fill and there was no time to savor our bites; otherwise it would all be gone. Jacob and Natalie both giggling and chomping and expressing “look how fast we are all devouring this!” Pure joy in the middle of a Christmasy scene at Disneyland.

12. As soon as the music began, heralding the start of the fireworks show, daddies everywhere on Main Street hoisted children up on their shoulders or up into their arms. Including our Daddy. Though Natalie is 5 and Jacob is 7, Daddy is strong. There he stood holding 100 pounds of long, lanky arms and legs of his two children. Two children in pure delight of being held by the strong arms of their Daddy. His back, I’m sure, shooting some  pain here and there, but two content children enough to mask that backache I’m sure.

13. Mama Bear equally happy that at one point Jacob wanted to climb down from Daddy’s embrace and come up into my arms. Jacob’s face snuggled up against mine. The softness of his cheek against my sun-blotched, more wrinkled cheek. His turning to plant a sweet kiss on my cheek. Standing there holding my 7-year old son so that he can see above the heads and through the shoulders of all the other hundreds of people standing on Main St. there to watch the fireworks. Sweetness. I want to hold onto this forever. He won’t forever fit in my arms. He barely does. Thanks for those sweet kisses he gingerly gave my cheek, interspersed by viewing and commenting on the music of the fireworks. “I recognize that song Mama. What is it?” “That’s from the Nutcracker” “Oh yeah!!”.

14. “Mama, mama, I saw a fireworks that looks like Saturn!!!” Such cool fireworks. I love the one that looks like a shooting star that perfectly arches over the castle. My heart grapples with the cost of these fireworks and how much money just goes down the drain. I think of the little girl from Afghanistan who fell victim to a bomb raining down on her home and burning her body horrifically. What would she think of the sounds and sights of these “bombs of color”? My mind and heart are conflicted and grapple with the joy and beauty of this spectacular nighttime display. I am thankful that in this moment I can look at the wide-eyed merriment and awe on my children’s faces and look at their  joy to distract me from these other thoughts. The innocence of not knowing about other things in the world is the look of sheer wonder on their faces. Thankful for that innocence.

15. .- .-.. .-.. / .– …. — / -.-. — — . / …. . .-. . / – — / …- .. … .. – –..– / .– . .-.. -.-. — — . .-.-.-

“All who come here to visit, welcome.” being tapped in dots and dashes at the New Orleans Train Station. Jacob and Natalie excited at the sound of Morse Code being tapped for them to hear as we walk up the ramp to the train station. We have been to Disneyland so many times in the past several years. More times than I even know. And yet in all the times we rode to the train around the perimeter of the park, they never understood what they were hearing. But now they do. We’ve begun studying Morse Code for homeschool. And now their ears are tuned in. Now they get it. We ask the train conductor what is being tapped out. He tells us “All who come here to visit, welcome.” The joy of discovery and the joy of learning all wrapped up here in audible dots and dashes. I love it!!!

16. Jacob saying “Mama, I wonder why they just leave that there where people could steal it.” Natalie inquiring “Steal what?” Jacob: “The ham.” Natalie responding with an air of incredulity, “Jaaaaaaacob, that’s just a recording.” Jacob quiet for a few moments. Then him expressing that he indeed remained convinced that someone was inside the Telegraph Office tapping away the message. “Look Mama, see! There’s a walkway across the tracks! That’s there for someone to walk across and go work in that office! See!” Oh on so many fronts my mama heart melts. Just this afternoon on the car trip over here I shared with the kiddos for the first time what a Ham Radio is. And now here Jacob’s brain is making the connection to what he hears being tapped out in Morse Code. But also hearing Natalie- how smart she is in worldly things as well- that it doesn’t have to be ‘real’. It’s all part of the decoration and facade of the entertainment. How does she know that? Why isn’t she also as convinced as Jacob that it is real? How does this not get passed her?

17. For the two guys at the Palos Verdes Amateur Ham Radio Club who responded to my email inquiring if I could have them show my children the use of morse code. I love it! I love the internet! I love that I can do a search and find a local radio club and send them an email inquiring if we can get to know them. I love it that they were so quick to respond and so welcoming of our interest. How awesome that in this day and age there are still people who are willing to trust the general public. The man invited us to his home in Rolling Hills Estates to come watch, listen and try out his ham radio. How cool is that?!? So awesome. I picture a gray-haired man, huddled over his radio, sending out a morse code to some strange far off place…..and us there catching a glimpse of this old technology in use. This kind of stuff makes my heart happy.

18. I am thankful for technology that allows me to sit here and type this. For technology that the ham radio operator explained to me, that their club meeting tonight is going to be about bouncing radio signals off the surface of the moon. Wow. Crazy. There is so much technology; all so awesome! The technology used in “Soaring Over California” that moves all of the benches up vertically to watch a huge, giant screen. The technology used to videotape the majestic sights of places in California like Yosemite.

Today seems like a perfect day to begin this. November 1st. I woke up this morning eager to begin our family’s November tradition of creating a paper-link-chain of gratitude at dinner-time. But then this morning in my sweet serenity with the Lord, I thought it would also be a perfect time of taking on a challenge. The challenge of taking a thousand snapshots and/or recording them with ink of all that I am grateful for. To slow down. To be a ‘hunter of beauty’ as Ann Voskamp shares in “One Thousand Gifts.” I have highlighted soooooooo much of her book. If something resonates with me while I am reading a book, I feel this deep desire to confirm my agreement with those thoughts with underlining, highlights, stars and exclamation points. And this book is full of my markings!!

“I’m craving it deep: more time to manage just the life I already have. The work, the kids, the meals, the laundry, the ministry…….the busyness of my life leaving little room for the source of my life.” Which instantly made me think back to the words of another author who has recently gripped me- Cindi McMenamin in “When Women Long for Rest”. She writes: “Any way you cut it, a key ingredient in authentic Christianity is time. Not leftover time, not throwaway time, but quality time. Time for contemplation, meditation and reflection. Unhurried, uninterrupted time.”

And so I’ve sat here sitting with God. My piles of laundry are as huge and daunting as they were when I woke up this morning. Nothing in the life of my work, the kids, the meals, the laundry, the YL ministry is a step closer to being accomplished. And, yet, I’ve had time for meditation and reflection. Unhurried, uninterrupted time. I was able to give God my precious quality time, my “awake” time, my day-time when I could have been doing a million to-do’s. It feels good to give Him this time. Does it make me feel like I’ve squandered my time and wasted time that I could have been using to be productive around the house…..truthfully, yes, a bit. But I know that this time is not wasted time. This is time I need. I used to think it was a luxury to sit down and be quiet before the Lord. Now I know it is a deep, deep necessity of my soul.

“God never tells his people, ‘Hurry up, get going, faster!’……God’s words, instead, are ‘Be still.’ ‘Wait.’ ‘Rest’……the harried path leaves you run-down, exhausted and overwhelmed….the archenemy of spiritual authenticity is busyness, which is closely tied to something the Bible calls wordliness– getting caught up with this society’s agenda, objectives and activities to the neglect of walking with God.” (McMenamin)

I should preoccupy my time with that which is eternal. I should live as though my days are numbered, to recognize from day to day what is most important and make the most of each moment.

“God doesn’t want me to just do things for Him. He wants me to be with Him. He wants the relationship……..I hear him rebuking me…’I am not impressed with all your busyness, but only with the time you spend with me. Can you give up what the world says you must do in order to sit at My feet and learn from Me?….Now this is not to say that taking care of our household responsibilities isn’t important. We do have obligations to care for our husbands, children, ourselves and our guests…..But we should make sure that in fulfilling our daily priorities we don’t sacrifice the one true priority- seeking time alone with God.” (McMenamin)

“Who actually knows how to take time and live with soul and body and God all in sync?” (Voskamp) Exactly!!! This is what I still haven’t figured out and oftentimes feel a failure at. How do I maintain my obligations, not get caught up in the fear of disappointing people and worship God daily? I desperately want all of that to be in the right priority and in sync.

Lord would you hear my prayers. Prayer for…

time to breathe deep

time to see real

time to laugh long

time to give You glory

time to rest deep

time to sing joy

just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, depressed, driven or wild to get it all done

Lord, I live in a world addicted to speed.  I don’t want to “blur the moments into one unholy smear”

Thank you Ann Voskamp for all these thoughts. Thank you for your words. Thank you that I can turn them into my own prayers. I am going to accept your invitation to slow time down with the weight of my full attention and give thanks for one thousand things. I want to be present and in that very presence meet our present God. And in His embrace, allow time to lose its sense of speed and stress. I want to be a hunter of beauty. I want to be able to say, like you say, that it’s ridiculous how much joy a moment can hold. And to find God and all His goodness in those moments.

Thank you Ann for pointing out John 6:11. “Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.” Thank you for pointing out to me that those two words, gave thanks, were the bridge words. They were the crossing over that took the ‘not enough’ and made it ‘enough’.

That is the key. There is so much of my life that doesn’t feel enough. So much that feels lacking or not good enough. The weight of “shoulds” that weigh on my shoulders and stress me out. People who disappoint. Expectations that aren’t met. And I’ve felt myself slipping into negativity and quick-to-complain as I age. I don’t want to become a grumpy old person. I want to run into your arms. I want to see the riches of your love in the minute details of my every day. When my pulse quickens as the stress and noise of the kids, dogs, washing machine, blender, dishwasher, lawnmowers mount in volume….I pray that in that very moment you would help me to stay calm, enter that moment and immediately scan for what I can give thanks. Lord I don’t want to bark hard or push hard because of stress. I want to savor long whatever time holds.  (Thank you Ann for those words. They resonate deep within me.) Help me oh Lord when the pace of my life quickens as soon as I go pick up the kids. Help me amidst all the flurry and the sounds of a full home, to stay calm and find all that I can give thanks. When the days flood torrential, give me full attention to slow down the current. Nothing compares to your embrace oh Lord. You are more than anything and you daily bless me with gifts.

Help my eyes oh Lord to see those gifts.

I will move slow.

I will be a beauty hunter of all the gifts you give me.

#1. Thank you for the gift of those 10 minutes with “flower fairy” Natalie yesterday.

#2. Thank you for the words of Ann Voskamp.

#3. Thank you for the words of Cindi McMenanim.

#4. Thank you for Yvette and the time I had to sit with her at Starbucks and have her tell me in conversation about this book by Ann Voskamp.

#5. Thank you for the friend you connected with Yvette during Woodleaf who put “A Thousand Gifts” on her Instagram, which caused Yvette to catch attention to the book and, in turn, to bring to my attention.

#6. Thank you for Joann Hellerman and her pursuit and connection with Cindi McMenamin- to bring her to the Women’s Retreat, so that I could be stirred by her and drawn to her books.

#7. Thank you for this time this morning. This time of uninterrupted quiet from 9:30-1:00 to focus on you. Thank you for this silent retreat.

#8. Thank you for the worship team from the Ballards’ church who introduced me to this song: “Forever Reigns” this past Sunday. I’ve had it on continuous loop for the past 45 minutes. Thank you for those words of worship.

#9. Thank you for Heidi Ballard. Thank you for her faith. Thank you for bringing her into my life. Thank you that her faith is such a significant part of her life.

#10. Thank you for the ways you have caught my attention recently. Thank you for calling out to me through the recent tragedies. Thank you for putting me in Maureen Lull’s thoughts. Thank you for the Facebook post you nudged Lori Sase to send me. Thank you for putting me in Beth Lee’s thoughts. Thank you for putting my heart’s prayers in Cheryl Ram’s thoughts. Thank you Lord for showing me how you put the names and faces of your people in other people’s hearts for prayer.

Thank you for these 10 things. 990 more to go. I will be searching Lord. I will be on the look out. Thank you for these smiles.

🙂

This little girl, only 5 years old, was bounding with pure delight yesterday. She was literally jumping with joy at the thought of going through the neighborhood to collect candy on Halloween night. She was walking on air, it seemed, as she bounded for joy down the sidewalk. Sprinting in her flip flops. Unabashed joy. Pure, innocent, beautiful joy. The number of thank you’s I heard her express from the sincerest, deepest part of my heart as people dropped candy in her bucket, was priceless to my heart. She was thankful; profoundly thankful. Whether it was a bag of pretzels, jolly rancher, box of nerds, almond joy- it didn’t matter. It was just deep, deep gratitude and joy. I wish I was more like that. Just purely excited for life and profoundly grateful for each moment and whatever life hands me.

Before our Halloween trick-or-treating fun, we were at music classes. While we waited for Jacob’s recorder class to end and his piano class to begin, Natalie and I had 10 minutes together on the playground there at the Manhattan Beach preschool. As I watched this fairy in pink frolic around the playground, I told myself to hold on tight to this memory. To see her bounding with joy up and down the stairs, “pretend” spritzing cleaner all over her “brand-new restaurant grand-opening”. She ran around the playset imagining it to be her beautifully built restaurant. Her smile was radiant. Her eyes were sparkling. In her mind it was a restaurant- a just perfect restaurant and I was loving her imagination. I stood there waiting to be her customer, thankful that I could be her customer. Thankful that I had these 10 minutes to behold her joy. To relish these 10 minutes of her imaginary play. 10 minutes to be grateful for her sweet childhood.

And then she invited me to enter her restaurant.  It was ready.

She had such pride and joy on her face. Her gloriously beautiful smile. It captured my heart. I told myself over and over again, whispering to myself quietly- hold onto this. Don’t forget this. Hold onto this beauty.

And she went skipping to the entrance of her restaurant. I walked in, eager to order some food. She gave me gobs and gobs of choices…….french toast, sunny side up eggs, bread in a basket, bread with nutella, carved watermelon, “protein choices”: chicken, tofu, peanut butter and jelly and “treats”- ice cream, s’mores, and honestly I can’t even remember all the other choices. There were plenty!!

I ordered. She happily went upstairs to the kitchen to cook it all. I’ve learned that when we engage in imaginary play, it’s simply not okay to order what would be realistically healthy or even possible to eat. One must order plenty. A plethora!!!! So I ordered a ton knowing full well that would give her the deepest joy. She kindly accommodated my request to have watermelon simply cut up in pieces instead of a whole carved watermelon with fruit salad inside. 🙂

And then it was time to go in to piano class.

Thank you Lord for those precious 10 minutes. Thank you for this sweet fairy- who really was an angel of joy for me today.

Oh Lord, I’m sitting here thankful for the silence of this morning.

I am thankful for the words of this worship song that I can utter to you as my prayer this morning. Thank you for the words of “Forever Reign”. Thank you for the artist(s) that you had write these from their soul so that they could resonate with mine.

Oh Lord…”You are good. You are love. You are life. You are light when my darkness closes in. You are hope. You have covered all my sins. You are peace when my fear is crippling. You are true. You are joy. You are the reason I sing. You are life. In you death has lost its sting. Lord I’m running to your arms. The riches of love will always be enough, I hope.”

This is my prayer this morning. I pray that I would have the kind of faith that weathers any storm to come. I pray that whether my body becomes debilitated, whether my family is ripped away from me, whether I am thrown into the mess of the deepest, darkest financial hole, that you oh Lord would be who I run to and cling to. Oh Lord I want to always, always, always run to your arms. Oh how I hope and pray that I will always, always, always be assured that nothing compares to you and being with you. Lord my heart is heavy with grief for those tragedies of life I have seen and witnessed in lives around me lately. I pray that my faith in you is not dependent on the comforts and blessings of family, health and financial security. Lord I’m not asking you to test me or my faith. I’m just laying my heart before you and asking that you seal in my heart (in the deepest, deepest, deepest part of my soul) a real, lasting conviction that singing to your name and only your name is my ultimate objective and peace.

“Nothing compares to your embrace. Nothing. You are the Lord that creation proclaims. You are here. You make me whole. I’m running to your arms. I’m running to your arms. The riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. My heart will sing no other name- Jesus. My heart will sing no other name, that is my hope and prayer. My heart will sing no other name. My heart will sing no other name. Jesus. Oh I’m running to your arms. I’m running to your arms. The richest of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. I’m running to your arms.”

Unspeakable. The amount of grief that the Jimenez/Lamas family is experiencing is something I cannot even begin to fathom. My heart is so heavy even thinking about it. To think that a woman is suffering physically from bullets that blasted into her body, leaving her legs and pelvis injured from their blow. But beyond the physical trauma she is also living with the emotional trauma and grief of having just lost her husband and adorable 4-year old son. A senseless tragedy. The result of one man’s rage. A beautiful family of a mom, dad and 4 children- their family unit shattered and searing pain and unspeakable grief. All because of one man’s sin. One man’s inability to control his own rage. Unspeakable. Horrendous. Sickening. And yet the priest at St. Joseph’s tonight encouraged everyone in attendance at the viewing to think of forgiving. Just as Jesus forgave as He hung on the cross, saying to His Father in Heaven “they know not what they do.” Oh Lord the pain and anguish of this tragedy seems too fresh to allow prayers of forgiveness to be uttered on anyone’s lips. The pain is raw and searing. And yet, yes, you ask and call us to forgiveness. If I was in Gloria’s shoes, could I ever forgive? Oh wow. That is so hard for my brain to even wrap around. So so so so hard. I pray that Gloria will one day be at the place of that freedom in her faith in you.

My heart broke tonight when I saw Gloria hobbling in on crutches, with her family clasping and grasping her arms and shoulders, helping her down the seemingly-forever-long aisle of St. Joseph’s church. Later in the service when pictures were displayed on the large screen, the sight of Gloria and her husband Filimon walking happily together as a newly married couple down that very same center aisle of St. Joseph’s years prior, really gripped my heart and caused my heart to swell with overwhelming grief. Here is a woman who walked this aisle with joy and unspeakable love for her marriage to Filimon.  And now several years later was hobbling up this aisle with crutches supporting the damage of her bullet-stricken legs……her husband and son’s coffin awaiting her at the end of the aisle. Unspeakable pain. Unspeakable grief. Simply unspeakable and unexplainable.

I can’t even put words to what I feel. I’m at a loss. The best I can say is that it was beautiful to see over a thousand people show up tonight to show support, love and respect to this grieving family. I never knew any of them personally. And yet I know that their grief and pain is being felt in significant ways by people who I am closely connected to through Young Life and DaVinci. And so I pray. I ask you God that you would comfort, comfort, comfort for days and months and years on end the family members who will forever be changed because of this tragedy. I pray that you would keep the 3 young children’s hearts protected. Love on them Lord in miraculous heaven-sent ways all the days of their lives so that the pain of this tragedy does not cause them to lose all touch with love. Keep their hearts protected and their desire for love sooooooo alive! Oh Lord protect those precious children so that they don’t become numb, jaded or angered into oblivion. Help them one day to discover that you are their heavenly Father who can love on them, care for them, guide them, encourage them, protect them, bless them and be in relationship with them even though their earthly father is no longer with them.

Lord, thank you for the blessing of family, friends and community. Thank you for those 1,000+ people who took time out of their busy schedules to show up tonight and let a grieving family know that the injustice of this tragedy is unspeakable. God I pray that you would help seal in the mind of Gloria, Carolina, Alex, every sibling, their mom, every family member and friend that you are a God of immeasurable love and comfort. Oh Lord would you madly and passionately pursue them through the hugs and presence of your people. Please. Please, please be with that family in the difficulty of tomorrow’s burial. May you be glorified somehow through all of this.

And for all of us who hear the wailing cries of the family echoing in our minds tonight as we fall asleep, may your Holy Spirit keep fresh in our minds how fragile life and is and how truly grateful we can be for each waking morning. Thank you Lord above all else for your Son’s sacrifice on the cross so that we might all have the blessing of salvation and an eternity spent with you. I pray that your Holy Spirit will move and stir in the hearts of any of the unbelievers and/or lukewarm believers who were present tonight. Oh Lord may this jar them all into the reality that there really is life after death. This isn’t the end. Oh how I pray that all 1,000+ will one day be saints in heaven singing your praises.

Amen.

Three years ago there was a Father-Daughter Dance at OCF. At the time Natalie was 2 years old and the event was too late past her bedtime. Steve has been hoping ever since that there would be another dance at our church to which he could bring Natalie. As it turns out last night was his opportunity because he was willing to organize the event; his dream was realized. And what an incredible evening for Natalie and Daddy to hold onto in their memory forever!!!! It turned out just perfect.

For weeks leading up to tonight, Natalie has been counting down the days. She’s been asking with excitement”how many days left until the Father-Daughter Dance?????” She has been sooooooooooooooo eager for this night to arrive!!! Being able to see her joyful anticipation of this event was precious in and of itself! She propped up her two sparkly tickets on a shelf of the bookcase, leaning up against the statue we have of a daddy holding a tiny infant in his loving embrace. My has time flown since she fit the length of Daddy’s arms!

A week ago she and I were shopping at a consignment shop, looking for Halloween costumes. As we were perusing the racks, all of a sudden she found a super cute poodle skirt! Her excitement shot through the roof. “Mama, mama, mama, mama I can wear this to the 1950s Father-Daughter Dance!!!!!!” But wait- it got better. The lady of the shop asked her what size shoe she wore because she had some saddle shoes for sale. They fit! I can’t event begin to explain Natalie’s excitement at the thought of going dressed up in theme. She acted as though she had just won the lottery and was millions of dollars richer. We came home and pulled off the bookshelf the tiny book titled “Clip Clop” that Great Grandma Wallis had given us; a 1950’s book about a horse who gets told by his owner he will be getting shoes and then imagines himself wearing shoes of the family members who live on the farm. Only to turn out that he gets ‘horseshoes’. But one of the pairs of shoes he imagines himself in are saddle shoes!!! Natalie kept exclaiming, “Mama, mama, mama this poodle skirt and these saddle shoes are soooooooooo valuable! They don’t make these anymore. We can’t just go to Target or any store to buy them. They are so valuable because they are so rare!!!” How could I tell her that they are still made for costumes and the like? I let her live in the beautiful imagined world that these were relic items held over all these years; rare treasures that once belonged to a 5-year old girl in the 1950s and now hers. She felt like she was a part of history. Precious beyond words!

A few days ago Steve asked her what she’d like to eat for their picnic dinner they were to pack for the event. She quickly and boldly made the request: “Daddy, can we please have ribs or pork chops??!!!” Wow- seriously? A five year old requesting ribs or pork chops? Steve explained to her that ribs might be a bit messy so she quickly dropped that idea but resolutely stuck to her request for pork chops. Hi-lar-i-ous!

Late this afternoon Steve prepared her requested dinner: pork chops, bow tie pasta and celery. Random- I know. But she was ecstatic at the thought of this dinner. Well, as they were beginning the process of packing up a picnic basket, I headed out to the church to pull together final logistical details. A phenomenal team of people helped us pull off this event!!!!! We seriously owe a debt of gratitude to: Jeannie Hardie, Bari Thomas, Theresa Schleuter, Linda Goy, Maureen Lull, Jimmy Tom, Blanca Prado, Diana McGregor, Bob Francis, Sam Collins, Mike Collins, Christopher Howell, Brian Schleuter, Kenny Lefort, Erik Severson, Ed Siomacco, Margy Emmons, Carly Linehan, Shannon Morgensen, Jimmy Ireland and his wife, Earl- the curator of the El Segundo Driving Museum, Devon, Alberto from Century Flowers and a whole host of DaVinci Science high school students! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! The beautiful gift of talents and time that these individuals gave was the reason this event turned out as beautiful and magnificent as it did.

It was only after the event that I found out what a beautiful, creative thing Steve did for Natalie! After they had packed up their picnic dinner and she was all dressed in her cute 1950s outfit, he snuck out the back door and walked around to the front door. Omie (my mom) was inside with Natalie and Jacob. All of a sudden they heard a knock at the door. My mom figured it was a Young Life kid or a neighbor, so she went to the door and opened it. Only to find to her great surprise a dapper looking Steve, all dressed up in his suit, picnic-basket in hand, announcing with his serious face “I am here to pick up my date.” Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goodness?!?!?!?!?! How cute is that?!?!?!?!? My mom said she was dumbfounded and couldn’t believe what a surprise Steve had given them. She went running for her camera and told Natalie someone was at the door for her. When she saw Daddy there all dressed up for her and waiting, inviting her to join him on their date together, her heart melted. I can only imagine what an intense feeling of “special” filled Natalie’s heart in that very moment. To see her handsome Daddy on the front porch- wearing the shirt and tie she had picked out for the event, ready to take her to an evening of special one-on-one quality time with her. Awwwwww, my heart just goes pitter patter at the thought.

I was at the ticket sales table when they arrived at church. What a beautiful sight to behold…..two faces with million dollar smiles stretched from ear-to-ear. And boy the excitement continued as Natalie discovered that Daddy had purchased a beautiful wrist corsage for her! Now she was adorned with beautiful pink roses and tiny white orchids. I don’t think she could even contain her excitement anymore. Freshly polished pink nails, wrist corsage, her vintage 1950s dress and shoes, Daddy all dressed up for her, a picnic dinner basket……wow.

As I sat at the ticket counter, my heart was filled with joy for all the daddies and daughters I saw come to the event. 122 in all. Girls of all ages- 6 months old to 21 years. Regardless of the age, there was sheer delight and a look of “special” on each of their faces. That’s the part that made all the logistical planning worth it. Watching the tiny little one tip toe in on her pink ballet shoes, her ticket so preciously grasped and then presented……..dads and daughters posing for photographs in front of one of the three classic cars that were parked out front…..the wide-eyed merriment as girls caught sight of the jars upon jars upon jars of candy toppings at the Ice Cream Bar……girls in heels…….girls walking down the 40-foot pink runner hand-in-hand with their daddies……excitement as they waited expectantly for the fun printout of their photo booth strip of pictures…..the loooooong line of excited girls when the Ice Cream Bar opened……the DaVinci high schoolers serving at the dessert bar, wearing their 1950s diner hats…….fun dance music blaring…..hula hoops spinning…..girls dancing, frolicking, laughing with other girls……dads with baby daughters in their arms…..dads with grown daughters in heels….smiles…..lots and lots of smiles……

This event made my mama heart happy. It’s a precious sight to behold when you peer into the auditorium and see a dance floor full of dads dancing with their daughters to the last song: Butterfly Kisses. Girls with their arms wrapped tight around their dads necks and waists. Tight embraces. Dads probably thinking back to the day these precious daughters were born into their lives. Dads perhaps thinking to the future when some other man will be the center of their daughter’s attention. And yet in this precious moment……beautiful strands of glass light bulbs hanging above the dance floor….. the warmth and sweetness of the atmosphere and the hearts of dads and daughters making a memory together.

Too much for my heart to try to explain. But a memory I hope will be locked forever in my mind and heart, as well as in the minds and hearts of all the daddies and daughters who were there tonight.

The last of the 4 space shuttles awarded to museums, made its arrival into Los Angeles today. Space Shuttle Endeavor is now the only space shuttle on display west of the Mississippi!!!! Woohoo!!!! And it will be housed at the California Science Center right in our backyard. Today the kids and I participated with thousands of people who clapped and cheered for its arrival. It was awesome!!!!!

We arrived at the California Science Center around 9:30am. We had been faced with so many options of locations for the flyover….the Getty…..Long Beach Queen Mary….Griffith Observatory….Disneyland….Santa Monica Pier….and many more. I love it that they planned an itinerary to make it so visible to the public. I love it that we felt like we were part of the cheers and hoopla of a community excited for its arrival.

The shuttle, aboard a 747, and flanked by two fighter jets was an incredible sight to behold! It flew past the Science Center just past noon. Then after it made its appearance in Hollywood it turned around and made another flyover past us at the Science Center. It was really quite incredible!!!!! Just to think that typical planes fly at 10,000 to 30,000 feet and yet this one was given permission to fly at 1,500 feet to give us all a beautiful view. I love the idea of hundreds of people cheering all across the city at different times as it made its appearance.

Before it had arrived, the kids and I went in the Space Center and I treated the kids to a souvenir. Jacob picked out a really cool glow-in-the-dark shuttle shirt. Natalie picked out an astronaut bear; she sure does love stuffed animals! Then we explored the museum a bit…..learning that Endeavor has had 25 space missions and 4,671 Earth orbits! We checked out the meteorite rocks on display, watched a video about the life of a star…the sun, supernovas, black holes. We listened to “Tess” the 50 foot BodyWorks human replica present on ‘homeostasis’. We smiled at the cute chicks that were in 18% humidity and 90 degrees and then were shocked to read the hygrometer for the unhatched eggs to be at 61% humidity and 97 degrees! Then out the door we went in hopes of catching a spectacular sight of the Endeavor.

We positioned ourselves next to the Eyewitness 7 TV van. Turned out to be great hearing updates from them about where the shuttle was flying over. It’s at Point Mugu…..it’s in Ventura County…..it’s over Malibu…..it’s on its way here……..it’ll be here any minute now….

and then the roar of the engines!!!!!

It flew right past us soooooooo fast. After heading to Hollywood it turned back and flew over the Science Center one more time. Awesome!

I celebrated this “once-in-a-lifetime, never-to-happen-again” event by letting the kids get the largest-size of the powdered candy sugar. They couldn’t believe their ears. I assured them this would never ever ever happen again in their life. It was a super special occasion and this would be a fun way to celebrate it. Well, I had this inkling that if we got on the road soon, we might (just might) get lucky enough to see it making its return from Orange County and watch it heading over to LAX.

And we did luck out!!!!! I mean MAJORLY luck out!!!!! Just as we were driving up the awesome, elevated, carpool lane interchange from the 110-to-105- we saw it heading straight towards us and then making a large sweeping curve in the sky to head west towards the airport. WOW! Now that was spectacular. We couldn’t have timed that more perfectly. We were screaming and cheering in the car as we watched it while driving on the 105 freeway.

We followed it all the way to LAX. It had veered north a bit and we had lost sight of it. In the meantime I was thrilled to find out that the 105 freeway nearing the LAX exits was all jammed up. Hundreds of people had pulled over and parked in the shoulders of the freeway. We joined those hundreds. From inside our car we had the most spectacular view of the 747/Shuttle making its descent and landing at LAX. It was awesome!

Then we headed down Imperial Hwy in a sea of cars, towards El Segundo. We majorly lucked out, got a parking space and walked to the corner of Main and Imperial- where we could see the 747/Shuttle on the runway, near the cranes that were ready and waiting to hoist it off the top of the 747.

A spectacular, memorable day for sure! We can hardly wait for the Oct. 12-13th parade when it will be brought down the streets and make its journey towards the Science Center.

This morning was one of Natalie’s days at school. She and Jacob are attending DaVinci Innovation Academy which is a hybrid school- they attend public school 2 days and then stay at home with me for home school 3 days. As we walked together into her classroom, she was being extra clingy. She didn’t want me to leave just yet. Since class hadn’t started yet, I asked her what it was she’d like for us to get to do together before I left. She pulled a fairy chapter book off the shelf. I knelt down on the rug, she plopped herself onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. She wanted to snuggle close. Times like these just melt my heart. In my mind my thoughts were racing- I needed to leave in order to make it on time to my 9:15 appt. at the Starbucks on Rosecrans. With each passing minute I was going to be that many more minutes late for that meeting. Aaaaugh. Eeek. And then I took a deep breath. “Hold onto moments like this Marina. Hold onto them. They won’t be here forever.” So in that moment I chose to make Natalie’s request for snuggle time the priority. I started reading the fairy book to her, whispering its contents into her ear.

A few pages into the book, all of a sudden Natalie said aloud “Mama, look. Today Seneca wore her hair down.” I looked up from the book and saw her cute friend Seneca who had entered the classroom. Indeed her hair was down and she had a headband in her hair. But how did Natalie take notice of that so quickly? And what part of her brain stores that type of pattern information? Apparently this was the first day of the school year that Seneca wore her hair down. All the other times she’s worn it in a high pony tail. Natalie noticed. And she noticed instantly. I need to stop being surprised by her acute observational skills. And yet it continues to surprise me.

Several weeks ago the four of us were out to dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. We were sitting there eating pizza. I nudged Steve to take a glimpse at Natalie. She had her pizza in one hand and her eyes were intently watching the goings-on of the restaurant. Steve asked her, “Natalie what are you doing? What are you looking at?” Natalie responded with this tone of duh! of course….”Daaaaaaaad, I’m people watching!” “You should see- that lady over there has the E-X-A-C-T same hat on as that person over there!” So of course we looked. And yes, sure enough, on opposite ends of the restaurant were people donning the exact same style/type/color of hat. Steve and I exchanged a glance of “this is hilarious and crazy all wrapped up in one.” She’s only 5. How is it possible for a 5-year old to be so interested in making observations and honing in on details? Well, our Natalie is.

She is an observer. A very good one.

And she notices details. She’s definitely my detail-girl!

Let’s just hope that doesn’t mean she’s on the road of wanting to become a perfectionist. 🙂

I need to start recording these moments. Before I know it Jacob and Natalie will be all grown-up and my memory will not serve me well. So I better hold on tight to things like today.

This afternoon I picked up Jacob at 1:15 from his elective classes through DVIA. He had chess, art and spanish. Off we drove to fill up the van at Costco. $86 for a tank of gas! Man oh man. Okay, so as we drove away from the pump and I was still mentally freaking out at how much money I had just spent on gas, Jacob started excitedly pointing out to me that a train was stopped on the other side of the chain link fence of the Costco parking lot. Now, mind you, this is not the first time we’ve seen a train at Costco. To me they seem to be there quite frequently. But nonetheless he acted as though it was as special of a moment as the first time we had seen one. I love that kind of unbridled joy and sweet excitement that hasn’t yet met the Law of Diminishing Returns. I love that. He asked, pleaded, if we could pleeeeeeeeeease go see the train at the fence. Okay. Sure. On my agenda I wanted to do grocery shopping, go home to put all the groceries away and start cleaning our tornado-stricken house before needing to go pick up Natalie from school. But, hey, kids are only kids for a short while right? I’ve had so many people encourage me to hold onto these years with them. So it felt like a perfect moment to hold onto and set my agenda aside.

We parked close to the fence, got out and went walking up to the chain link fence. Interesting-very interesting-the engine of the train was on. The window of the engine train was open. But there was no sight of the conductor- or should I say engineer? So we waited thinking perhaps he was ducking down or perhaps out of view. Nope. No sight of him. So then we started speculating where he might be. Jacob thought he perhaps was in the other engine train that was attached to that one. So we walked down along the coarse gravel pathway to go get a closer look of the 2nd engine train. Nope. No conductor. So curious- and yet the engine was clearly on and making noises. Hmmm. It turned into a little mystery for us.  I took notice that there was a gate in the fence- and look! The gate was ajar. Someone had unlocked that gate and walked through. Perhaps- just perhaps- the engineer decided to stop the train, leave it running, and real quick go run to the Costco Food Court to get some pizza. Hmmm…..could that be the case? So we talked about how if we happened to be the type of person who didn’t make terrific decisions, how easy it would be to walk through that open gate, climb up the ladder at the front of the engine and go make ourselves comfortable inside! Jacob’s eyes grew wide in awe at the thought of how easy it would be for someone to just climb onboard and drive away with this train! There was truly not a soul in sight. Where was this engineer? At this point we had been there discussing 10-15 minutes. Hmmm. The mystery continued. Jacob predicted that perhaps the engineer was out of sight because he was busy coupling or uncoupling some of the cargo trains that were attached. So, we continued walking down the gravel pathway the length of the 5 or 6 tanker cars. Nope. Nope. Nope. No sight of the engineer. Hmmmm.

Then all of a sudden I spotted 3 men walking from Costco towards the part of the parking lot we were at. They came bearing food court soda cups. Hmmm. One of them had a bright orange jumper on. Maybe you don’t call them jumpers- but kind of like a CalTrans orange overalls- where all of his clothes are inside and he’s stepped into this work jump suit. I nudged Jacob- maybe, just maybe, he was the engineer! So, we quickly started trodding over the coarse gravel rocks (crunch, crunch, crunch underfoot) to get back to that open gate at the same time hoping to intersect their path before they passed through. Jacob started RUNNING. He didn’t want to miss this opportunity if it was really the engineer!!!!

I arrived just at the moment the 3 men were about to walk through the gate. “Hi!!!” I exclaimed. “We’d love to say hi! Do you have a moment?!” They kindly stopped. “So by any chance are one of you the engineer of the train?” Yup! But it was not the guy in the bright orange jumpsuit. He was one of the conductors. The engineer stretched out his hand and shook Jacob’s hand. That moment was priceless. Jacob was stoked beyond stoked. Words can’t even express the look that was on his face. So of course I had to ask what’s the difference between a conductor and an engineer. In my mind they were synonyms. No, not so much. The guys started bantering back and forth taking jabs at each other. The engineer saying you need to have more education to become the engineer. The conductor saying you need to have more physical strength to be the conductor. The engineer is the one who officially drives the train with one hand. The conductor uses both hands- pressing lots of buttons- to make the train do what it needs to do. The conductor is also the one who couples and uncouples the train cars. Little did I know that all trains have a 3-man crew: 1 engineer + 2 conductors. Except those trains that go across the country; they only have a 2-man crew: 1 engineer + 1 conductor. These guys haul the tanker cars to/from the refineries here in L.A. Fascinating stuff!!!

So we had to ask if in fact they stopped at Costco for lunch. Yes they did. One of them had pizza, another one had two hot dogs and I can’t remember what the third guy had. I was doing all the talking and Jacob was just standing there gawking at these guys. Truly- his jaw had dropped and he stood there open-mouth as though he couldn’t believe this was all for real happening! He did ask them a question at one point about who couples the cars- they seemed really impressive that this young boy knew the term “couple” for that action of connecting the train cars.

They asked if we frequent this Coscto often- we said yes and I explained that Jacob is always looking to see if there’s a train there or not. They pointed to my flip flops and Jacob’s green Crocs and said “next time, if you guys have closed toe shoes on, we’ll let you climb up into the engine!” WHOA! WOW!!!!! Are you serious!?!??!?!?! Tonight as I tucked Jacob into bed he said “Mama, I’m never ever going to wear my Crocs again. I’m going to wear my tennis shoes from now on.” I clarified “you mean when we go to Costco?” “No, never, ever again. I will never know what cool chance will come up. Can you imagine if today I would have had my tennis shoes on?!?! They would have invited me up into the engine!!! That would have been sooooooooooooo cool!!!! We missed out on that super super cool chance Mama!!!” I told him we would just need to try to come back to Costco on a Thursday around 1:30pm again. “But Mama I don’t think they have a regular route”. “Well, Buddy, that’s what we’ll need to figure out. Perhaps they do.”

So that’s where you’ll find Jacob and I on some future Thursdays around 1:30. He’ll be waiting expectantly for that crew of 3 to invite him up into the engine train. I just looooooove this. In two months Jacob will be 7 years old. His love of trains started when he was 1 year old. The fact that he is still SOOOOOO mesmerized and excited by the sight of trains, tracks, junctions, signals…..you name it……is just precious beyond words to me. Today was a happy day. Today was one of those moments I was glad we were able to part ways with the to-do list and just let the love of learning and the pursuit of the spontaneous occur.