thewallises

Yesterday Steve gave me two incredible compliments!

1) “This is the best pie I have ever eaten.”

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

I was speechless. Really?!?! In 38 years of life and all the tastes of pie he’s had….this was the best pie he had ever eaten?! I seriously couldn’t believe my ears. I figured he must have been throwing in extra points for cutesy factor that Natalie and I had been the dynamic baking duo. I love baking with her! I love that I can be washing and cutting strawberries by the sink while she’s at the counter ever-so-carefully and very precisely measuring out 1 1/2 cups of flour using a 1/4 measuring cup. I have complete faith in her measuring skills! I’ve watched her like a hawk for many recipes and this girl can read and measure with preciseness! It’s a joy getting to bake with her. But, nope, that had not added value to “the most amazing pie ever”. Perhaps, I thought, there were some weighed in points for the fact that I intentionally baked a pie on Pi day (March 14th) to celebrate 3.14 in math. Nope. Steve assured me that his statement was based solely on the flavor and texture of the pie. Wow. What a compliment! It was one that Natalie and I were beyond thrilled to hear. A homemade strawberry pie made from scratch, with a lattice top…..the most amazing pie Steve has ever eaten. What a fun compliment!

2) “Look at Mama……a lifelong learner.”

This is what Steve said as I eagerly looked up the orbital pathway of planet Jupiter, as it corresponded with last night’s night sky. Why was I wondering that, you ask?  Yesterday the kids and I went to the Planetarium at El Camino College. The professor told us that Jupiter would be visible in the night sky. The only thing is…..that the kids and I couldn’t remember if she had said it would appear as the bright shining ‘star’ in the location of the eye in the Taurus constellation or the bright shining ‘star’ in the Gemini location. She had told us both would be visible and that Jupiter would be visible in one of them. Drats. We couldn’t remember which one. After dinner we were outside looking up in the night sky, holding up our iPhone and iPad with our “night space sky” app. However, it only showed constellations and star names. I couldn’t find “Jupiter” as one of the labels. So I went inside and started doing searches online. I really, truly wanted to find out which one was Jupiter that we were looking up at. With excitement I found the answer online. It was just then that Steve said “Look at Mama…..a lifelong learner.” It was then….right then….in that very moment, as my mind chewed on that compliment that I realized that’s a very true assessment of who I am. I love to learn. I love, love, love to read and find out new information. It’s invigorating to me. And, yes, that drives how I homeschool my kids. Learning doesn’t fall into specific hours of the day. Learning happens all day long. Do I read things and research things throughout the day? You betcha! Just thinking that my lifelong learning self might be creating/forming/encouraging mini-me’s to develop as lifelong learners as well…..oh that made my heart all kinds of happy. It’s not how much knowledge Jacob and Natalie can acquire during their homeschool days with me; that’s not the goal. The goal is to keep the love of learning alive. To never let the joy and beauty and sheer joy that comes from learning be squashed or dampened or tainted for them.

Smiling.

Thankful for two sweet compliments from my hubby.

🙂

It’s amazing how different one weekend can be from another. Amazing to think that two weekends ago it was raining cats and dogs and this past weekend it was hot, hot, hot. Such different activities for each of the weekends too.

The weekend of great rain, I had the great privilege of accompanying Natalie to Legoland for her very first Lego League Challenge. She and her friend Sophie worked for two months in anticipation of this event. They needed to select a natural disaster and then choose whether they would research how people prepare for that disaster, respond or recover. Their research then had to be presented in Legos as well as on a trifold poster board.  They extensively studied how to prepare for floods. They had 10 very specific ways to prepare for a flood that they showed in lego form and spoke about very clearly to the judges:
1) a classroom
2) an amphibious house
3) reservoirs
4) a floodgate
5) a robotic arm
6) boats
7) trees
8) land grading
9) drainage and filtering
10) roads

The girls did phenomenally well!!!!! I was soooooooooooo proud of my Natalie girl and her sweet friend. What a confident, skilled  little lady Natalie is growing up to be.

The following weekend in what felt like mega-heat in comparison, Jacob had his very first AAA Baseball game of the season. He was nervous. Worried about the 50mph baseballs that would be pitched at him when it was his turn at bat. Worried that one of those balls might hit him and injure him. Yeah, I would say that’s intense! Not to mention having all eyes on you while you’re at bat and everyone’s looking to see if you’ll hit the ball. Whoooo-weeeee that takes some confidence and guts to step up to the plate! As an 8-year old he’s the youngest guy on the team; this is a division of the league that is for 9 and 10 year olds. But, he went out for the try-outs and got picked up by the team. What a nervous joy it was for him last weekend. Excited to be in with the big guys….but at the same time nervous about the speed of their throws.

Jacob did amazingly well! When he got up to bat, he hit the ball!!! He got to 1st base and then stole 2nd. He played 2nd base and 3rd base during the game. He had two amazing plays when he got a kid out from the opposing team. It was so awesome seeing his confidence sky-rocket! So proud of my boy!

Today was a glorious day. Even started off feeling productive. Made a quick run to the grocery store to get all that I needed for a crockpot chili dinner. Granted, would have been even more awesome had I planned that with enough time along with a plan for a whole week’s worth of meals. But, hey, one step at a time. I’ll eventually get there. Today I made the run for chili ingredients in time for when Steve needed to leave for work at 7am. I quickly cooked the ground beef and chopped up onions and celery and the green bell pepper. Threw everything in together all the while Jacob and Natalie were playing a marvelous game called ‘La Boca’.  Then I had them jump in the car while still in their pajamas and we drove the game back to our friends’ house who had let us borrow it.

Science began.

We watched a computer animation showing when in the Moon’s revolution around the Earth the Spring and Neap tides occur. I taught the kiddos that the Moon’s orbit around the Earth is not circular. This animation is not drawn scientifically. Instead, the Moon’s orbit is elliptical in shape. As a result, there is a point in the orbit that the Moon is closer to the Earth (called perigee) and a point in the orbit when the Moon is furthest from the Earth (called apogee).

We studied a “Moon Phases Calendar” for the month of February and compared it to the Oreo-cookie moon phase observations the kids had made in the early parts of February before it started getting too cloudy at night to see the moon.

I taught them how to read a tide chart.

And then they consolidated all of their learning together, by trying to formulate an explanation in their own words of a “Perigean Spring Tide”.

I love, love, love that my 1st and 2nd grade kids are learning how to write complex thoughts in their own words. I remember back in the day when I taught junior high school, how many students would turn in work that was just copied textbook lines. If I asked them what it meant, they had no idea what to say. So I’m training my kids from a young age how to put complex thoughts into their own words. Words that they can then read back and fully understand as well as words they can use to explain the concept to someone orally. Today felt like one of those proud mama moments, when I could listen to the reading of their written explanation and smile because I knew success had been met. They knew what they were talking about. Yay!!! Victory!!!

Then we did some more homeschooling. Jacob worked on his “Space Race” timeline. Natalie and I read the biography of Lyman Frank Baum who wrote the ‘Wizard of Oz’ in the year 1900. Wow! I had no idea that the story was 114 years old! Natalie also learned who Judy Garland was and how became famous in her role as Dorothy in the first movie of Wizard of Oz that came out in 1939. Next I had Natalie read the summary of the production so that she would have a background knowledge of it before going to see it at a theater this weekend with Daddy. I figured that if she will be in the Haven’s Wizard of Oz Production in May, it would be neat to let her get to learn the story and already see a production so that she has a full understanding of what she’s going to be a part of.

Lunches were made and packed. Kids were dressed for the tide pools and ready with their hiking boots on. We rolled out at 10am on the dot, just as I had set out for. Oh wow today sure was feeling like a successful day already. Love it when that happens. 🙂

Off we went to Abalone Cove to meet up with our Adventure Club friends. Initially we were calendared to head to the CA Science Center today, but when a few of the moms learned that this week there are really, really low tides and really, really high tides, it was too great of an opportunity to pass up! Being able to connect the -0.8 low tide with our study of space was awesome!!!! I absolutely love making connections like that! I was bursting with excitement to share my researched websites/links/pictures with the kids this morning. What an incredible way to study space! Getting to witness firsthand the awesome combined pull of the moon’s gravity and the sun’s gravity during these days reaching New Moon in combination with Perigee…..wow!….now that’s what I call science at its finest. Days like today are what make homeschooling truly glorious!

And then there was the time at Abalone Cove. So much to soak in and treasure….

• the “island” as Jacob called it

• sitting still on the rocks….so still actually that I could hear the clicking sounds of crabs nearby.

• the tide way, way, way out

• Natalie running down the trail towards the ocean, eager beyond eager to meet up with her friends and begin the adventure. Her unabashed, joy-filled running towards the beach oh what pure, pure joy for this mama’s heart

• the kids taking notice of tiny hermit crabs

• standing still to watch itty bitty hermit crabs scuttling on rocks, in pools of water

• sculpin fish

• dry rocks for as far as my eye could see. Us climbing on rocks, balancing on rocks. Barnacles on rocks. Hundreds and thousands of barnacles. Rigid, hard barnacles that amazingly withstand the pressure of feet and body weights standing on them.

• a bright, sunny day. My face actually feels a bit ‘tight’ from the sun exposure from today. You know that “I’ve been in the sun a lot, tight feeling?”

• William ‘fishing’ with his white rope and a mussel tied on the end as bait

• Natalie smitten by William and wanting to hang out near him and watch him fish and learn how to ‘fish’ with his rope and mussel

• Jacob shouting “Mussel Central!!!!!” when he went out adventuring further on the giant island of rocks

• Natalie’s shrieks, nervousness and clinging to me for balance and safety transforming with time over to laughs, independence and leaping from rock to rock. She just needed to warm up. Glad we were there long enough to give her that time to grow comfortable.

• Jacob taking notice that there were sea hares out of water. The concern. The care. And yet he wasn’t interested in trying to pick up the sea hares so, instead, he shouted out for William. “WIIIIIIIIIILLIAM!!!! There’s a sea hare that needs you to rescue it!!!!!!” And then there would come William leaping and bounding over the rocks in his flip flops and would with great ease pick up the sea hare and deposit it in water. That’s when the “Sea Hare Farm” idea began. The kids began to search for sea hares out of water in need of the coolness and wetness of water. Jacob and Natalie would shout out the discovery of a dry sea hare and wait with a pointing finger to show William which one was in need of his rescuing. He started rescuing several. Some of them inked on his hands. His hands were purple and then the water turned purple as we watched the ever so slowly moving swirls of purple ink rise up from the mid-back section of the sea hare. Amazing. Beautiful. Truly astonishing. The search for sea hares ensued. Before we knew it, more and more and more sea hares were being added to the ‘farm’ to let them be in water.

I volunteered to be the post for the kids’ easy tracking of the ‘farm’ so that each time they went out looking for another sea hare, they could spot me and then quickly return to the same place. They were SO ambitious and kept coming back with more. That was my other volunteer job: helping them keep track of the count, so that as each of them went in search of a sea hare without water, then as they returned I could let them know where the count left off. The whole team of them had such incredible diligence and persistence to search far and wide for sea hares out of the water. I imagine God designed sea hares to withstand the 5-7 hours of low tide, but it was extremely cute nonetheless to help the kiddos in their mission of care today. William, Magnolia, Grace in search of sea hares with Jacob searching for ones in need of rescuing and Natalie keeping station with me at the pool of water. Then others came to join the mission…..Isabel, Abigail, Olivia, James, Asher. This went on and on and on. After about the 70th or perhaps it was the 80th ‘rescue’, then all of a sudden Jacob found the courage to try holding one himself. Shortly after then Natalie mustered up the courage and asked to hold one. When Magnolia reached over to give her one, Natalie changed her mind. Later though….she mustered up some more courage and indeed held one! All by herself! She was beaming!!!! So incredibly proud of herself for conquering her fear in picking up the slimy creature.

[Sidenote: tonight while I tucked Natalie into bed, I asked her what made her change her mind about trying to hold a sea hare. She said that she kept seeing Grace picking them up and not being scared. “And Grace is younger than me Mama!” A young girl Grace, who will be turning 5 in a few months, is the one who unknowingly inspired Natalie to be brave. Isn’t that just so cool!??]

Then after that moment, Natalie was leaping, springing, practically running as she scrambled from rock to rock in search of sea hares needing to be ‘rescued’. She cupped her two hands together and oh so gingerly held each sea hare as she carried it to the pool of water deemed the “Sea Hare Farm”. What a beautiful sight to behold. She had gone from being nervous and timid about the creatures, to running to be a part of their rescue. She probably had no idea how completely exhausted she would be by the day’s end from all that rock scrambling! Both kiddos had a serious workout today. It is not easy to keep your balance as you walk on uneven levels of rocks for three hours! I’m so thankful that we get to enjoy days like today as our schooling.

The quest for sea hares continued. Once they had found and carried 100 sea hares to the pool of water, I thought they would tire and be done. Nope. The search went on. Wow. These kids were showing incredible tenacity! I finally capped the search by announcing the end goal: 150. And yes, they reached it! They even exceeded it……the final count was 155. Yes, 155 sea hares were brought to the coolness of water by the hands of loving, caring children today. One hundred fifty five. That number is staggering to me. That level of dedication from the kids. They scoured the rocks far out, once they had already covered the ground in search of them near the pool. The number of rocks they traversed for these sea hares was truly beautiful to witness. I can’t even imagine what all these sea hares did several hours later at high tide. Would they be tossed about in the swirling madness of the water currents? Would they stay stationed tight onto the surfaces of the rocks there at the Sea Hare Farm? Unanswered questions. But not a single thought of the kiddos and that was fine. They were leaving with hearts full of contentment with the care and concern they had demonstrated.

They also were leaving with seriously purple hands! Hands stained a deep, deep shade of purple. I really thought William would have purple hands for a week. Magnolia and Grace had mega purple hands as well.Natalie had some purple. And Jacob had this whitish, almost translucent snot-like slime all over his hands from the sea hare or two he had picked up. Tonight after doing some research I discovered that sea hares produce two substances: ink and opaline. 

I didn’t take this picture, but I found this one online that shows where/how the sea hare emits the ink.

This online picture I found shows a sea hare emitting the opaline. It is this sticky stuff that Jacob got all over his hands. And it was sticky indeed!!!! So sticky that he couldn’t get it off his hands even when he tried washing it in the sea water or wiping it on his shirt. Get this! Turns out that scientists have performed experiments to understand the role of opaline for the sea hare. They’ve learned that this sticky substance, when it adheres to the antennae of lobsters (their predators), then the lobsters end up having to stop and spend a lot of time trying to remove the sticky substance from their antennae, to no avail. So there the lobsters sit trying madly to get it off their antennae all the while their sensory receptors on their antennae can no longer detect the presence of food nearby. Incredible! Yeah….and that’s what Jacob had all over his hands. Natalie had purple ink. Jacob had opaline.

William must have had a combination of both opaline with purple ink, because when he would slip the sea hares into the pool of water, counting them off “76….77….78….79”, he would then stand up and I would see purple oober-sticky stuff hanging from his hands. Oh me oh my! I was laughing my head off watching how totally unphased he was by what was all over his hands!

What a truly glorious day.

I’m so thankful I get to have days like these with my kiddos.

Goodnight world. I’m off to dream land. Who knows, perhaps I’ll be dreaming of sea hares, considering I saw so many of them today.

It seems silly, yes, I know. It’s a first-world problem for sure. But the reality of it was an indicator of how ‘out of control’ my life sometimes feels. Today the kids were going to exchange Valentine’s with their sweet friends from our Adventure Club. Two weeks ago I felt on top of things- the kids and I were touring Pinterest for ideas. There were grand visions…..of beaded heart wands….penguins….packets of gum, to wish friends an “Extra” special Valentine’s. All hand-made items. Beautiful stuff. We did all the shopping at Michaels and Target to gather all the necessary supplies. I was on my A-game. The vision and materials were accounted for. The kids created samples of their visions to see if they would work. We tried dipping hearts in a Borax solution- to create crystallized formations; they turned out beautiful but realized we didn’t have the time to create enough of those with our road trip planned for the weekend. Creative energies were flowing. My heart was thrilled to see how much dedication my kiddos were pouring into handcrafted Valentine’s for their friends. It made the sprawling mess of our dining room table totally worthwhile to see and live with for a week.

On Sunday Jacob realized he was going to be short several sticks of Extra gum for his Valentine’s. So, Monday morning after dropping off Natalie at school we headed to Target to return the blow-pop lollipops for the butterfly Valentine’s that they had changed their minds on, and to buy more Extra gum. While we were there we bought some bananas and bread as well. At the checkout counter I told the lady we didn’t need a bag. So off we walked with our few items and headed home. I felt like I had wasted our precious morning homeschool time for this trip for gum. I love the morning time the best- it’s when my kiddos are the freshest and most diligent with their school work.

Well, lo and behold! Later in the day it was discovered that the pack of watermelon flavored gum we had bought was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t in my purse…or the car…or anywhere in the house. The bananas and bread had made their way into the house, but no sign of gum. Had we left it at the checkout counter???!? Grrrrrr. Aaaaaugh. Are you serious?!?! Last night I was ever so hopeful it would show up, so I went to bed optimistic for the morning discovery.

This morning no such discovery was made. Drats! So that meant getting all of us in the car for an early morning trip for a pack of gum. I was frustrated. This had already been planned for and the trip had already been made the day before. I felt like I was wasting my time. Again. For the second time. I already felt that way with the trip to the store the previous day. And now it was happening again. Grrrrr. I didn’t like starting my day like this. Now I was wasting a second morning of precious homeschool time. I kept trying to tell myself “it’s all for the amazing thing of teaching the kids the importance of loving on others through the beautiful gift of handmade art and cards”. I asked myself a few times why in the world I didn’t just take my kids to the grocery store and pick out a few boxes of the pre made Valentine’s. Why do I always seem to have a knack for doing things that are more involved?

Then we came home and the rush was on to finish the project. I also had the great idea of doing all the prep work for a crockpot dinner. The minutes were ticking. I needed to order pizzas for the Valentine party. But we hadn’t yet done any math, reading or writing for homeschool. Ugh. That feeling of not getting things accomplished the way I had imagined them or wanted them to be done.

It was time to get dressed. I wanted to wear my fun red dress. But that required finding my bra that crisscrossed in the back. Where in the world was that bra?! Drats. Dang it. Now is when I’m bummed beyond bummed that my laundry pile is out of control. Once again that horrid feeling- life feels out of control. Here I am patiently sitting with my kiddos day after day helping them figure out how to create beautiful hand-crafted Valentine’s, but aspects of my life feel out of control. Laundry always feels out of control. I can’t stand laundry. It is the bane of my existence.

There are things I know I am doing amazingly well and others that make me feel like I don’t have my act together. Organization and cleaning- those two things get me down all the time. Raising empathetic, loving kids who can communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly and who absolutely love to learn, those I know are marks of my success as a mom.

I know it was just a pack of gum. But if felt like it indicated so much more. In teaching my kids to love on others I somehow felt like I had made an exchange once more and had missed the mark. We dedicate so much time to learning and to loving, but not enough time on cleaning and organizing. I want my kids to grow up to be loving, capable, intelligent people who don’t struggle with neatness and organization. And yet the schedule of our week somehow never reflects the practice time in cleaning and organization. It doesn’t magically happen- I know that for sure.  I’ve realized that the structure of our week doesn’t have ‘cleaning’ and ‘organization’ practice times built in. That’s going to need to be my next step.

The question is when? Ha! That limited commodity of time. It’s all about prioritizing, I get that. For instance I need time to clean off my computer hard-drive. I didn’t think this was possible- but I’ve completely filled up my hard-drive and I can’t download a single other picture. The 17,000 pictures I’ve taken and downloaded in the past 12 months alone take up a gargantuan amount of memory on my computer. Plus all the thousands of the previous years. I’ve hit the limit of my computer’s memory. Yes, I have an external hard drive and copied over all my pictures. But, really, did all the pictures get copied over? I can’t get myself to delete the 17,000 originals on my hard-drive without a surer sense of them truly all existing on the external hd. It would be a bummer of bummers if I lost part of our pictures in that process somehow. I should sit and organize my pictures into folders and then take a closer accounting of what transferred or didn’t. Or for that matter, make photo albums of the pictures that are the most precious. But with what time?

I’m trying not to get overwhelmed but I feel it creeping in. Time to clean. Time to organize. When/where/how do I make that time? It means giving up and changing other time allotments. That will need to be the focus of my next attention.

Or I can just go to sleep, call it a night, and hopefully wake up refreshed and less stressed tomorrow morning.

But reality is that tomorrow morning when I wake up and the light is streaming into Natalie’s mess of a room…..I won’t have any downloaded pictures from today’s Valentine party to remind me of the look of complete joy that was on her face as she anticipated passing out her beaded heart wands to each of her friends. Each one of those wands required her to spend time picking up, one by one, 50-70 beads and then stringing them individually, one by one, onto a pipe cleaner. That means she had the dexterity and patience to create intricate crafts utilizing between 700-1,190 small beads! And she did it with complete joy streaming from her heart! There wasn’t a single moment of “ugh! mom I wish I hadn’t started this project!” Nope. Not at all. She was dedicated and completely full to overflowing with radiant joy at the thought of loving on her friends in this tangible way. Today seeing her sit on a picnic blanket holding her vase with all the heart wands looking like a gloriously radiant bouquet of flowers each catching the sunlight in a sparkly way and her face expectant of the joy that would come with the delivery of each special gift to her beloved friends……that moment…..that precious moment is emblazoned into my memory. I hope to hold onto that forever……but especially tomorrow when I have a conniption fit over how messy her room is.

I’ve taught my kids how to appreciate their education and how to be good friends with big hearts. Now I need to focus some time and energy on developing their/my organizational/neatness skills.

Wishing myself luck with that one. Ha!

What a wonderful evening. Listening to music on YouTube or Pandora or iTunes simply does not even come close to comparing to listening to the music live, being played by an orchestra. What a wonderful evening. I am so thankful I was able to go once again to Royce Hall at UCLA. I am so thankful that my kiddos appreciate music and have the maturity and patience to sit through a two-hour performance. Sitting there with my mom, Jacob and Natalie tonight while listening to absolutely beautiful pieces of music was such a delight to my soul. Natalie had my left hand and my mom’s right hand on her lap with her little hands clasped into each of ours. That right there was a precious moment and made my heart overflow with joy for my Natalie girl. What a treasure and delight it is to her soul, I imagine, to have Mama on one side and Omie on the other side. She looked so poised and content and radiant. I love my baby girl. At intermission, just after having listened to Weber’s Clarinet Concerto No. 2, with soloist Natalie Hoe, my Natalie asked me if there was any way she could meet her. I replied “I don’t know.” “Mama, can I ask?” “Sure, of course.” With confidence she walked herself towards the exit and asked an usher if she could please meet Natalie Hoe. That sweet woman didn’t know who Natalie was, considering she was outside of the concert hall the whole evening, having just filled her job of collecting tickets at the door. We continued on through the lobby. I spotted a young man with a musical instrument backpack on his back, he dressed in a white dress shirt with black bow tie. Bingo! He was someone we could ask. We asked if there was a chance we could possibly meet Natalie Hoe. He directed us to the double doors backstage and said we could go through there to meet her. So off we went down the hallway to the double doors. Standing in front of the doors was a man who I didn’t feel confident enough to walk right past. We asked him if we could please say hello to Natalie Hoe. He indicated there would be a reception now; seemed like a ‘no’ answer. Then to our surprise, the young man who we had initially asked, walked up to assist us in the moment and said that he was going to take us backstage to meet Natalie. Whoa! Wow! Amazing!!! So he motioned us to follow him and he took us back-stage. And there she was, in her beautiful shimmering gold-colored dress, her arms full of beautiful bouquets of flowers and her ever so sweet and gentle countenance. My Natalie was star-struck. She stared with joy at Natalie Hoe  and was delighted beyond delighted to get to say hello and compliment her on her music. What a delight. What a sweet moment for my Mama’s heart. My Natalie is going to go far in life with her confidence in asking questions. That leaves me with a beautiful feeling. She is only six. “Six” I tell myself over and over and yet she has the maturity of a sixteen year old. I love her confidence. Love it. Love it. Love it. I feel confident that in her life she is going to ask for help when needed and advocate for herself. She already does! Tonight was no exception. It’s moments like these that solidify in her mind the great joy that comes from not being afraid to ask. So glad she experienced that success tonight!

And my sweet Jacob. So often I wonder what goes on in his mind. Oftentimes throughout the day I hear him humming something. What music is it? I often think he lives in a world of musical thought that only now and then I break through with my voice. I picture musical notes dancing through his thoughts. He’s in some other world, perhaps composing music in his mind or perhaps imagining himself playing pieces he’s already heard. I don’t know. Maybe none of this is true. But the number of times in a day that I find him humming something leads me to believe otherwise. Tonight just after we had met Natalie Hoe, we stepped outside for some fresh air. Who walked right past us? Jefferson Friedman, the composer who was there tonight for the West Coast premiere of his piece “Sacred Heart Explosion”. Jacob got this ecstatic star-struck look on his face as he recognized him. “Say hello to him, Jacob” I encouraged him. But, no, he got so shy he started to say “Mama, you, you, you…..you say hi”. I called out to Mr. Friedman but he had already briskly walked past us. Too late. A lost moment. What would we have said, though? I honestly have no idea. What does one say to a living composer? Perhaps a simple “it’s a pleasure to meet you.” But that’s what I’m thinking of now, in hindsight.

As we walked back into Royce Hall and settled into our seats, Jacob turned to me and asked “Mama, one day can I be in this orchestra?” “Sure, Jacob. I don’t know how these young musicians get to be a part of this symphony group, but we can find out.” And indeed we will research it. I just have this feeling that music is going to be a lifelong love for Jacob. I sat there listening to Dvorak’s Symphony No. 8, watching Jacob out of the corner of my eye…..his eyes fixed on the musicians on stage. What was he thinking? I know what I was thinking? I’m so thankful for rich, beautiful music like this. I’m so thankful to be here with my children. I’m so thankful that my mother taught me an appreciation for music. I’m so thankful to be spending this evening here with one child on each side of me. What little grown-ups they were tonight. 🙂 My mama heart is so proud.

A six year old and an eight year old, sitting still and quiet with hundreds of people in Royce Hall for two hours! That was worthy of a fun and crazy treat! So off we went to Deede Riese in Westwood. The last time we came I treated them to a cookie each. This time we went crazy and each of them got an ice cream sandwich!!!! I know, I know- crazy! Two cookies with ice cream in the middle. The kids were over the moon with excitement. I was thrilled to shower them with thanks for being such well-behaved children. So, yes, this crazy mama stood in line for 45 minutes, in the line that took the full length of the block in Westwood to give my kiddos a treat for being such incredible children.

Feeling so proud and thankful for my children. It’s nights like these that I hope to tuck away into my memory forever. So thankful that music is a part of our life. So thankful that my kiddos love their musical education and look forward to nights like tonight.

Who knows what the future will hold! Perhaps one or both of them will pursue something with music. Just laying the foundation, one brick at a time, for an appreciation of music. Opening their eyes and ears to all that can be created in music. What a joy it is to be a mama and to expand your children’s world!

This mama bear is going to bed, with a full happy heart.

This is what tonight needs to be all about…..my hot cup of tea in my fancy tea cup….my yummy smelling candle lit……and my heart thankful that I’m living here on planet Earth. Tonight Steve and I had the opportunity to go out on a date (thank you Grammy Jeannie!). We headed over to ArcLight Theaters to watch ‘Gravity’ with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Wow was that intense. Made me realize so many things.

1. Being an astronaut can be scary stuff if things go wrong.

2. Now I totally get what my friend Beth was describing- of the mess in space from when China purposefully destroyed one of its own satellites- and created a ton of space debris. Oh.my.word. Now I understand the Kessler Syndrome: “wherein impacts between objects of sizable mass spalls off debris from the force of collision. The shrapnel can then hit other objects, creating even more space debris”. Scary stuff I’m telling you. Scary. Intense. Not good. At all.

3. Oh my word I feel myself understanding what my friend Thelma meant when she said with all sorts of angst in her voice “AND WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!”  Okay so the Chinese tested an anti-satellite missile test and purposefully blew up one of their own satellites. It resulted in the largest recorded creation of space debris in history with at least 2,317 pieces of trackable size (golf ball size and larger) and an estimated 150,000 debris particles. My word. I never knew about that. It really did happen- in 2007. That is a lot of trash just speeding through space! How is it that even space is now messed up by humans? Wow.

4. I was happy tonight to have my feet firmly grounded on Earth. There were so many gnarly situations that Sandra Bullock was in, as the main astronaut. Wow. Being lost in space is no joke. Being without communication to Mission Control on Earth would be beyond scary. Having limited or no exit plans back to Earth would be a harrowing reality. I seriously thought I was going to cry by the end of the movie- there was so much built up suspense and emotion throughout the movie. It made me realize what incredible amounts of courage astronauts have when they blast off into space and leave behind all the securities and comforts of life on Earth. I’ve been in awe of all that I’ve been reading and learning about space…..but tonight I have a newfound awe and admiration for astronauts.

5. Almost every night I’ve been opening up an app on my iPhone and pointing it up to the night sky to learn how to identify the constellations. Space is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. It is so vast. There is SO much out there! I’ve been finding myself reading and reading a ton of literature about space. The stuff fascinates me. I truly am very intrigued by it all. The irony of it all….that tonight when we went on our date night and watched Gravity….that today is the marked “Day of Remembrance” that NASA has set aside to remember those who actually have lost their lives in the exploration of space.

“Virgil I. “Gus” Grisson, Edward H. White II and Roger B. Chaffee perished in NASA’s first major tragedy on Jan. 27, 1967. A fire broke out in the Apollo 1 module during a ground test at the launch pad about a month before the scheduled launch.

Almost 20 years later, NASA lost seven more astronauts when the space shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds after launch on Jan. 28, 1986. Francis “Dick” Scobee, Ron McNair, Mike Smith, Ellison Onizuka, Judy Resnik, Greg Jarvis and NASA’s first educator astronaut, Christa McAuliffe. Exceptionally cold weather had caused a seal, called an O-ring, on the shuttle’s right solid rocket booster to fail at liftoff. This allowed pressurized hot gas to escape from inside the booster, which damaged the attachment between the booster and the orbiter.

On Feb. 1, 2003, NASA suffered another space tragedy when the space shuttle Columbia broke up over Texas on its return home at the end of the STS-107 mission. Following the accident, studies showed that a piece of foam insulation from Columbia’s fuel tank broke off during launch and hit the orbiter’s left wing, damaging the heat shield. Commander Rick Husband, pilot William McCool, mission specialists Kalpana Chawla, Laurel Clark, David Brown, payload commander Michael Anderson and Illan Ramon, Israel’s first astronaut, were lost when the orbiter’s heat shield failed to protect the vehicle from the intense heat upon re-entering Earth’s atmosphere.”

6. When I see pictures of Earth taken from space, there is just an awe that overwhelms me. A beautiful sight.

7. Working in weightlessness. Wow.

8. Muscle atrophy. Bone loss. Issues with vision. Radiation exposure. Breathing recycled air- never having fresh air for months on end. Being away from family….far far away. Astronauts accept these risks and realities. They are brave, brave, brave people.

9. So thankful that the Internet exists and that I can learn so much at my fingertips. So thrilled to get to sit at home with my kiddos learning together. What a special day it was on Monday when we were watching a live camera feed of the two Russian cosmonauts who were out on a Space Walk at the International Space Station. The feed was on our computer for the full six hour duration. As we walked through the kitchen we kept checking on their progress. Soooooooo incredible to think that here we were doing homeschooling and there they were at the ISS walking in space, tethered, doing their work. Absolutely mind-boggling. So thrilled we live in a day and age that we can witness this because of incredible technology. I love the internet!

10. Happy that tonight was Date Night. Happy that I got to spend time with my hubby and best friend. Thankful for his humor as we walked into the theater, when he turned to me and said “I think I’m going to leave my jacket on so that as you grip my arm during the movie, your nails don’t bury themselves into my skin.” Ha! He totally knows me!!!! He knew that the suspense of this movie would be at the extreme of what I could handle. I was thrilled to get to hold hands with him. To cling to him.

247. So thankful for the delight of a warm cup of tea. It feels like such a delight, sitting here with my hands cupped around a beautiful piece of china with sweet little pink roses. The comfort of tea as the air has turned more crisp. The sweetness of an accompanying cookie. I feel like such a grown-up. My memory unlocks sweet thoughts of times spent sitting with my Oma in Holland, sitting at her tablecloth-lined table, sipping tea while looking out at her garden.

248. Thankful for the beauty we get to behold as we look out our living room window, watching the leaves of our liquid amber tree change colors. The tree has been aglow in the morning sunlight….bright orange, beautiful red….love it! Steve and I each have been taking so many pictures along the way. The kids and I have taken notice it is the only deciduous tree on our block. Oh how I wish we lived in a place where all the trees were changing colors and losing their leaves- that would be magical! But so thankful for this one tree on our block that reminds me of the season. 

249. So thankful that Jacob and Natalie so thoroughly enjoy books!!! This was after a return from the library: they started reading their books in the car, continued reading as they walked into the house and then just plopped on the couch and kept reading for quite some time. Love it how they wanted to be near each other and yet were each in their own world of literature. 

250. So thankful to be married to a man who knows how to build a gate. Our gate was needing to be replaced, so he just went to Home Depot and within a couple of days…..presto…..a new gate! I sooooo admire his ability to estimate how much wood he needed and the know-how to get this job done. 

251. Thankful that these kiddos are able and willing to sit quiet as mice through a 2-hour symphony. Love, love, love being with hundreds upon hundreds of people sitting in a beautiful concert hall getting to hear every note played by an incredible orchestra. Oh the joy. I can’t exactly describe it……but something happens to me physiologically when certain beautiful notes are played or sung…..it’s like an electric feeling that zips down the line of some of my nerves…..when these absolutely perfectly played notes meet my ear….I wonder if my kiddos feel that too. Last night was a beautiful night. (Royce Hall, UCLA)

239. Thankful that this morning I could enjoy sipping hot tea while eating heart-shaped waffles with nutella, strawberries and powdered sugar. My tastebuds were in heaven.

240. Thankful for the joy-filled laughs coming from the backyard. The kiddos are playing soccer and playing so beautifully together. Laughing, joking, smiling, laughing, shouts of glee…..the sound of the ball being kicked around. Happy times.

241. Last night, and many nights, when I finally lie down in bed after a long day of feeling so incredibly spent from working so hard…..oh that glorious feeling of letting my muscles relax and my back stretch. That feeling is one I’m so thankful for. So thankful for the comforts of my bed after a long day of hard work.

242. Thankful for the gift and treasure of children.

243. Thankful for the incredible privilege of getting to stay home with my children. To have an incredible opportunity of quantity time with them. So thankful for all the quality time that comes out of those hours together. Those unexpected moments when one or the other brings up something that offers me a window into their soul and we can have a conversation about bigger things.

244. Thankful that my kiddos can articulate their feelings.

245. Thankful for the happy, happy, happy face I saw on Natalie at the dress rehearsal two nights ago. Her joy was radiating. There’s something about performing on stage that excites her beyond belief. And it is a joy of epic proportions for this mama’s heart to see her so full of joy.

246. Thankful for my hubby and how incredibly hard he works. So thankful that he loves that I homeschool.

Wow I didn’t see that coming.  We were finishing the last few chapters of Anne of Green Gables, in time for our book club meeting with fellow homeschool friends. The main character, Anne, has just passed the entrance exam to Queen’s College. She has ranked 1st out of 200 students who tested. My voice cracked and started to waver. I was in tears. Natalie asked from her bed “Mama, why are you crying?” “Because Natalie she was once an orphan girl with a broken heart and now look at her!” “But Mama it’s just a fictional book.” Just then Jacob crawled out of bed, came over to where I was sitting in the hallway and said “Mama, I’ll finish the chapter for you.” Sweet, sweet boy…..he’s done that before…..standing in for me when my voice is too shaky to continue. I vividly remember him doing that once in another book, when we read about a girl whose mother had died and I was thinking of our Martha….and then also once when we passed a really horrific motorcycle/car accident at the intersection of Aviation and Rosecrans Blvd. I started to pray for the injured people and their families that would soon be receiving word, but I got all choked up and started to cry, imagining myself at the receiving end of such a call. Jacob carried on my prayer out loud. And here now again he was offering to carry on with the last remaining paragraphs of Chapter 33. Natalie wanted to help finish reading the chapter too. What a delight to have two eager and skilled readers. So I let Natalie read one paragraph and Jacob read the other.

They jumped back in their beds and asked for one more chapter. “Pleeeeeeease Mama, pleeeeeeeeease. Just one more chapter.” “Okay” I relented. But truly delighted beyond measure that my children love books so much. The opening sentence of Chapter 34 was not a promising one if I hoped to be tear-free:

“The next three weeks were busy ones at Green Gables, for Anne was getting ready to go to Queen’s.”

Oh no, we were in for some trouble. I was imagining the day that these two kiddos of mine would be grown and off on their adult lives. Of course I am happy and excited for that day. Thrilled to fulfill my role of preparing them for adulthood.

Marilla begins to cry as Anne is reciting a poem.

“I declare, my recitation has made you cry, Marilla…..Now I call that a positive triumph.”

“No, I wasn’t crying over your piece…..I just couldn’t help thinking of the little girl you used to be, Anne. And I was wishing you could have stayed a little girl, even with all your queer ways. You’ve grown up now and you’re going away; and you look so tall and stylish and so-so-different altogether in that dress- as if you didn’t belong in Avonlea at all- and I just got lonesome thinking of it all over.”

“Marilla!” Anne sat down on Marilla’s gingham lap, took Marilla’s lined face between her hands, and looked gravely and tenderly into Marilla’s eyes. “I’m not a bit changed- not really. I’m only just pruned down and branched out. The real me- back here- is just the same. It won’t make a bit of difference where I go or how much I change outwardly; at heart I shall always be your little Anne, who will love you and Matthew and dear Green Gables more and better every day of her life.”

Okay by then I was crying. Just last week when we celebrated Jacob’s 8th birthday at Knott’s Berry Farm, Steve and I were walking hand-in-hand alongside the roller coasters commenting to each other that within 10 years he will be on his way, moving out to adulthood and a college life somewhere. Next year, when Jacob turns 9, will mark the half-way point we have as parents before that next big chapter of his solely independent life. Wow. The time is going to fly. So Steve and I were intentionally soaking it in- the afternoon fun of being with our roller-coaster-loving and thrill-seeking boy. His sticky fingers as he was devouring a fully-loaded funnel cake. And now here I was sitting on the carpet in our hallway, my voice echoing off the walls as I read these words to our kiddos tucked comfortably in their beds. Natalie in her room. Jacob in his room. These words departing my mouth and finding their way to their eager ears.

But picturing Anne plopping herself on Marilla’s lap, gently grasping Marilla’s face between her hands…..oh that was the end of me. I couldn’t continue. I could picture myself in Marilla’s shoes…..hoping/wishing for the days long gone…..of Natalie sitting on my lap promising me she was the very same little girl as she had once been.  I got choked up. I announced that it was time to go to bed. This chapter was just going to get sadder- with Anne needing to say her goodbyes to everyone in Avonlea.

Jacob begged me to continue. “Please, please may I appeal?” he asked as his lower lip quivered and his eyes brimmed with tears. He didn’t want to end on a sad note. He wanted the story to be all happy again. He didn’t want to imagine himself growing up and moving on. He begged for me to continue. He gave me all kinds of reasons why it would be good to continue: 1) we could end on a happier note, 2) we would have less to read tomorrow to be caught up, 3) they were both wide awake and eager to hear more, 4) they would have more time tomorrow to do more math. I told him that on the flip side, it might mean that he and his sister would be cranky-pants in the morning for having had less sleep. He assured me that would not be the case. Well, I took a risk and hoped that he indeed would be right; so that I wouldn’t have to live to regret this decision tomorrow.

I walked over to Natalie’s room to ask her if she too was interested in hearing the rest of the chapter. Natalie had her back to the door. She muffled some kind of answer. I didn’t hear. I walked in closer to her. “Natalie would you like me to keep reading?” “Sure” she mumbled half-heartedly without any eye contact. What was going on? This was uncharacteristic behavior of hers. I walked closer and peeked over her shoulder. Instantly I could see emotion all over her face. I asked her what was the matter. And then the floodgates opened. She lost it.  Totally lost it. There was a torrential downpour of tears and she was an inconsolable crying mess. Oh my. Oh my. Jacob jumped out of his bed and came running down the hall. “What’s the matter? Natalie what’s the matter” he asked with intense concern. She couldn’t get a word out- she was crying so hard. Her face was red and wet and there we stood trying to figure out if she was crying because of the story or something else. I was able to hear “he won’t be able to play soccer with me anymore when he”….and then I just heard a blubbering mass of tears. But Jacob heard it. His voice trembled and he said “Mama, she’s crying for the day when I move out to college.” I looked at her for a confirmatory nod. And there it was. Yes. She was crying her heart out at the thought of Jacob one day moving out of our home. She would be left all alone. He would not be here to play soccer with her anymore.

Even as I type this, my eyes spill over with tears. Oh how blessed and grateful I am that the two of them love each other so deeply. People said that when they were born less than two years apart, they would develop a deep, deep bond between the two of them. Indeed, tonight I saw signs of that. Here was my beloved Natalie crying her heart out that in 10 years her best friend brother would not be here to play soccer with. As I watched Jacob trying not to crack, trying his best to hold his emotions and not let his lips quiver, I could see in his eyes that he too dreaded that day. It sounded too painful to him to be moving out, leaving his sister behind.

I write all of this because I think it will be glorious to read 10 years from now. The beauty of the extent of their best-friend relationship. I pray that however painful that day may be, I pray Lord that you will continue to knit their hearts together so that they always long for each other. That they desire to stay in close communication with each other all the days of their life. May today be what lasts forever. Lord, that is the prayer of my Mama’s heart. Help them oh Lord to long for each other and never let life get in the way of their best-friend status.

Well the crying went on for at least 10 minutes before we could calm Natalie down. At first I suggested that Jacob crawl into bed with Natalie so that they could snuggle together while I distracted her/them by continuing to read the chapter. But Jacob didn’t like that plan- Natalie was a blubbering crying mess. He was only okay with that if she could stop crying. It was unsettling him. She couldn’t stop. So, instead, I suggested that they both run over to my bed and sit alongside of me as I finished the chapter. Well, even in my bed, all snuggled up close, Natalie could simply not think beyond that day when Jacob would one day move out. Jacob tried to make her feel better by saying things like “but I can come home on the weekends and during vacations, right Mama?” Yes, Jacob.

I could tell from his eyes that he was trying to talk himself into the reality of that solution as well. He was just as shaken up by it all. As an 8-year old he couldn’t yet imagine having a desire to move away from home. He wanted to still be at home with his parents. And rightfully so. This is the place for two young children.

So I sat there with the two of them snuggled by my side, soaking in the reality that all of this working-up happened because they had become soooooooo enraptured by the beautiful tale written by L.M. Montgomery. They had fallen in love with Anne. They hung on every word describing her life. They were overtaken by the sadness of her leaving her home and Avonlea to go off to college. They had become invested in this story. Her character had been deeply and richly developed by the author. Oh what a mark of a brilliantly written novel!!! Here I was delighting in the fact that my 6-year old and 8-year old, who I would never have dreamed ready to hear the tale of Anne of Green Gables, were fully fixated on the life of the main character. So much so that they were making grievously sorrowful connections of it to their own life.

Then all of a sudden Natalie let out the most rip-roaring, juicy-sounding, horrifically disgusting fart ever!!! She’s been in the business of making horrible farts lately. But man this one was a real doozy! Jacob started laughing his head off. It was the perfect comic relief. I took the opportunity to distract them and cause them to laugh harder by making an incredible dramatic response of how disgusted I was by the horrific thing. And so they both had a hearty laugh and Natalie’s eyes dried up.

I picked up the book and continued to read. Anne said her tearful goodbyes to her bosom friend Diana. All of a sudden Natalie asked if she could please lay on top of me like she used to when she was a baby. Okay, sure. So there I lay with my 4 foot long daughter lying on top of my horizontal body. I could feel her toes on my shins. It won’t be long before she will be as tall as me, I thought to myself. She snuggled in close to me, holding on as tight as can be. At one point as I was reading she interrupted and asked if she could pleeeeease look at my wedding photo album. Huh? No. But I knew what was going on. Her heart was clinging desperately to the idea of an intact family. A mama and a daddy romantically in love with one another and making vows with one another to be together forever and ever. Her, lying over me, feeling as much as my body as possible in connection with her- reassuring her that she was with her mama. And her brother sitting right beside her. Then the world was all in order in her mind.

At 8:00 I announced it was time for bed. No more. Time to scurry off to bed. They crawled down the hallway just to be funny. They laughed a cathartic laugh. I let them, knowing it was what their soul needed. It was heavy stuff for their little hearts- the thought of being fully grown up and moving out.

One day that day will come. And as Jacob told Natalie in the middle of it: “the good thing Natalie, is that then we won’t be able to fight.”

Yes. So true. Rest assured we still have 10 years of sibling fighting lying ahead of us.

As I tucked Natalie into bed, she ran her fingers over my face. Typically I swat wandering fingers away. But tonight I let them travel, allowing her to feel the contours of my eyes and nose, even gently touching my eyelashes. She wanted to feel and touch every part of my face. I’m not entirely sure what that was all about but I let her. Our hearts were bonding in the process. She whispered “mama, my heart hurts”. Yes, I know sweet pea. I know that sadness that will grip us one day. Goodbyes are not easy. I thought all this in my head and promised I would come straight to the computer to record it all.

May their friendship be blessed and tight all the days of their life.