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Yes! We couldn’t believe our eyes! We looked out of our hotel room early in the morning at the sound of the helicopter. An elephant was being replaced in the Jungle Cruise ride. What are the chances of seeing that?! Sooooo cool!

Natalie was so excited to bring her favorite toys along with her to the hotel.

Steve was sporting his brand-new Giants shirt. He’s a big fan!!

Love the thumbs-up fun 🙂

“I will NEVER EVER go on that ride in my life EVER again!!” She went on as a bday gift to Steve, but decided that will never happen again. All because her fabulous pink skirt got wet!

She packed this shiny pink skirt special for Daddy’s birthday celebration. She loooooooves this skirt that Grammy made for her!!

Steve is such a cool dad!!

At the Rainforest Cafe in Downtown Disney

So Steve looks casual…..but the kids and I look pretty wacky with our facial expressions! Wonder where they get that from?! Ha!

Jacob was busily blowing up balloons before Daddy joined us after work

Way cool new monorail-themed water slides!

That’s right…..Sept. 30th, the day of Steve’s 36th birthday, as we were getting ourselves ready at the Disneyland Hotel for a day of celebration at the happiest place on earth, all of a sudden we heard the sounds of a helicopter. I was brushing my teeth in our hotel bathroom and told the kids to go look at the window for whatever was happening with the helicopter. Natalie exclaimed, “it’s carrying an elephant!!!” WHAT?!?! I couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing. I figured she was trying to be funny and fool us. Ha!

But in actuality she was right. Steve and I went rushing to the window- and there in the sky we saw an elephant being air-lifted by a helicopter. As we watched the process unfold, we realized what was happening. It was in the wee hours of the morning before the park’s opening. They were replacing one of the huge elephants from the Jungle Cruise ride. So we saw one airlifted and taken away to the other side of the park, I’m guessing back-stage. And then we watched one airlifted in to that part where AdventureLand falls on the map. The coolest way to start Steve’s birthday celebration. What are the chances of getting to see that in action?! Super fun!

And the day continued with a ton of family fun at Disneyland, California Adventure, the hotel water slides and finally a dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. It felt like the longest birthday celebration we’ve ever had for Steve. Long in a good way. Love this man! So great to have a fun-loving, family-guy, awesome husband! 🙂

I have to say that my kiddos sure know how to make me laugh. I try to remain stoic at times so that they don’t lose complete control and go off the deep end into delirium. But other times I just laugh along. And usually I just shake my head in disbelief that they can be so crazy silly. Good times. Very good times.

Every morning sometime between the hour of 5am-6am, the two of them come sleepily walking down the hallway to our bedroom. They crawl into bed with us and we all snuggle for that last bit of rest before starting the day at 6. This morning I had one flanked on each side of me, but after a bit I needed to get up. From the bathroom as I washed my face, I could hear Natalie saying in the cuuuuuuuuuutest, sweetest voice: “Ohhhhhhh Jacob, I love you so much. So very, very much!” And then I’d hear this gruff, quick reply, “Yeah, me too.” Ha! I was laughing hysterically inside. Here was Natalie, the girl, gushing with all of her feelings. And Jacob, the guy, basically keeping it as short and simple as possible. Natalie continued. “Oh Jacob, I really really do love you. I love you so much!” All said with this sing-songy super sweet tone. All of it was melting my mama heart. And then all of a sudden I heard her tone change. “Jaaaaaaacob” (said with a mildly annoyed, somewhat hurt tone) “If you love me, you’re supposed to say it back and hug me back.” To which he responded, “Um, Natalie, I don’t like giving you hugs because then your hair gets all over my face. I don’t like that.” Eager to get a hug from her big brother, she quickly replied, “oh, oh, I’ll make sure my hair doesn’t get in your face.” Jacob: “Nope. I won’t give you a hug unless you have your hair pulled back in a ponytail.” Ohhhhhh my goodness I was dying as I listened to all of this from the bathroom. I started the day with a smile on my face.

After soccer games and naps, the fun of my silly zany children continued. They were laughing their heads off tickling each other, laughing their heads off as we watched the video footage I took of them dancing their hearts out @ Downtown Disney, laughing their heads off as they tried to re-enact their super duper fast dance footwork here in the kitchen. They were seriously laughing all the way to their bed.

A gloriously awesome day. I am so thankful for the sweet joy in my children’s hearts. I truly happy day being mama.

Last month I had a great conversation with my sister. She lives in Portland, Oregon and is very conscientious about how we can take care of our environment through recycling.  It’s truly amazing what a huge effort the NorthWest is making in this effort. The stories I’ve heard from her about how extensive the program is up there, how they hire recycling managers for public events, how they are distributing city-wide curbside composting bins and much more, left me feeling like I wanted to do a bit more. Up until that conversation pretty much the only thing I threw out in my recycling container was: plastic water bottles, soda cans and occasionally a plastic gallon milk jug or empty cardboard boxes. My sweet sister called the customer service rep for my local Hawthorne trash company and found out they accept so much!

To be frank, I didn’t feel like committing myself to anything that would add something else to my list of to-do’s or things to worry about or things to feel badly about not doing. After a few days of the idea ruminating in my head, I figured it wouldn’t be that much extra work to add a paper bag next to my normal trash can, and as I thought about it, to throw recyclable items in that bag.

WOW! Let me tell you, I’ve felt the shift begin to happen in my consciousness. It’s actually amazing to see how much recyclable trash we accumulate in one week alone! It’s almost become a fun game now- to see what else can make its way into the paper bag. Each week I send out at least one, but usually two of these paper bags FULL of trash that I would otherwise have sent out to my regular trash can. I’m feeling a bit accomplished as an environmentally conscious citizen these days.

Check out this list if you care to give it a try. Honest, it’s not much work. Just a new mindset.

On the days when I can’t tame my hair with a morning shower, I walk around feeling blah all day. That’s the truth. Today I walked around with a halo of fuzzy hair. Ugh. There’s nothing more unnerving than walking past a mirror and seeing my hair all fuzzed out. And when I don’t get to take care of my hair in the morning, I just pull it back in a high pony tail which I am now convinced just sets me up for greater likelihood of the fuzz factor. Anyway, this grunged out day needs to come to an end. I’m telling myself that I am God’s workmanship, as it says in Ephesians 2:10. But I don’t usually feel like the daughter of the almighty amazing God when I’m feeling frumpy, gross and fuzzed out. Ha! Something for me to pray through. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

It is the most bizarre feeling in the world. I picture a serrated knife sawing down the middle of my brain, literally leaving each half of my brain sitting there by itself. I have never had such a distinct feeling of the two hemispheres of my brain working independently of each other. Okay, I know that’s a pretty gruesome picture. But honestly it’s the most bizarre feeling- I haven’t ever felt like this before, where the timing and movement of my left hand need to match the timing of my right hand, but with a different movement. It is SO weird. I am learning to play the piano, along with Jacob.

We have just learned our first song: “Dreams Come True”.  It is a sweet song that has both the left hand and right hand playing at the same time, but different notes. We are enrolled in a program called “Simply Piano”, a new style of learning piano. It is not the traditional method of learning scales, chords and reading sheet music. By year’s end we will be able to play 30 songs that are a bit of contemporary music, classical, blues and accompaniment. It’s about learning music through the use of finger patterns. A man from Australia originally developed the system when parents of a blind boy asked him if their son could still be taught to play piano. I’m so intrigued! So this year it’s all about playing music using finger patterns.

And then next year begins the study of reading the notes on paper. Let me tell you…..trying to play the left hand, right hand and even trying to sing the words at the same time has been a significant challenge to my mind. To do disconnected things with my brain and in the process make music, is quite awesome!!! It feels so good and strange at the same time to feel this happening inside of my mind…..the challenge, the obstacle and then the accomplishment through practice.

It’s awesome to be at a place where Jacob, Steve and I are all on the same page and we are all progressing at something together……slowly but surely. The program requires that the student come with a coach so that together we can practice at home. I love it that I’m getting a 2-for-1 deal, paying for Jacob to get piano, but at the same time getting to learn as well.  Really it’s a 3-for-1 deal, because we’re teaching Steve what we learn. And Natalie is now asking “can I learn too Mama?” so it might even be a 4-for-1 deal.

I’ve always wanted to play the piano and now’s my chance. I’m really excited. And I already feel successful. Woohooo!!! Here’s to a year of piano.

Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s one of those feelings when I….

•want to sit in a completely silent room. no sound.

•want to keep the back door shut to keep out all the sounds of the 405 traffic that’s just a few houses down, even if that means my dog can’t go out and lick up water from his water bowl when he’s standing at the back door asking to be let out

• would really really like to drink a super-ice cold can of coke. So cold that I see and feel the condensation running down the side of the can.

• know I just need to take deep breaths

• need to remind myself of something I read recently: “I’m feeling this way because my perfectionist consciousness is swamped by “I should” statements. I should have more compassion for myself and not be so harshly self-critical and overly self-evaluative.”

• am worrying excessively that I haven’t been doing this “home-school” thing just right

• am realizing that my fear in not being/doing things right as Jacob’s homeschool teacher, may move me into action in an attempt to relieve my anxiety. But that movement into action may account for strain and drivenness that isn’t healthy.

• just want to do what’s right

• need to tell myself over and over and over and over again “Progress, not perfection”

• need to give myself time and space to figure this out

• need to make an effort to reach out to all the other parents who must be feeling a similar sentiment. I can’t be in this alone. I should take the lead and connect with the parents of this classroom; perhaps inviting them to our house or creating a cohort-specific Yahoo group. There needs to be room to dialogue, get ideas, and feel like we’re all in this together

• a bit relieved to have given my thoughts room to fly free from the captivity of my mind, where they would otherwise just get larger and larger

• need to pray. need to ask God to help me manage all of this. need to let the God of this universe calm me, comfort me, tell me everything is in His hands, His time, His perfect will.

• thankful that I am not additionally managing all the aspects, people and logistics of the Young Life club tonight. Thankful that I can focus on being a wife, mom and home-school teacher this year. Thankful for that space to figure it all out. Thankful for that rest. Thankful that God has brought other people to take over and run with this ministry. Thankful that I can even be debriefing these thoughts after tonight’s Back-to-School-Night in the peace and stillness of my home as the kids sleep.

• need to tell myself, a time will come when I will have some semblance of how to manage keeping our home clean, clothes laundered, meals planned, prepped and cooked, in addition to all the aspects of this individual learning that is going on at home and needs to all be documented and shown evidence of. It will come. Someday. Sometime. Not sure when. But hoping the time will come.

As I was preparing to go to an evening baby shower, Natalie got soooooooooooo excited to help me get ready. “Mama, can I pleeeeeeeeease help pick out your outfit?!? Mama, can I pleeeeeeeeease pick out your shoes?!? Mama, can I pleeeeeeeeease pick out your jewelry??!?!” And here was the real clincher: “Mama, can I pleeeeeeeeease put my lip gloss on you?”

Yes, her tiny itty bitty Disney lip gloss container that she got as a party favor from one of her preschool friends’ birthday parties last year. This tiny little lip gloss she saves for fancy occasions. Tonight she wanted to share that with me and share in the joy of my getting to “dress up” to go out to an event.

“Mama will you please crouch down?” And with a great big smile on my face and the sweetest contentment in my heart, I slid down the bathroom cabinet so I was crouched down at her eye level. And there I sat crouched, as she ever so carefully “did up” her mama’s lips with her shiny lip gloss. She was so focused and so careful with each little stroke. I kept telling myself, “really?!? is she only 4??!?” And I was soaking up every precious second of it.

As I stood up tall and looked at myself in the mirror, I exclaimed “Natalie, it looks soooooooooooooo great!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!” My lips were glistening! Deep down in my heart I felt a feeling I haven’t felt before and I’m not even sure how to put into words. Awe. Joy. Sweetness. Reverie. This beautiful blending of all the happiest feelings. Oh how I love my Natalie. Tonight I celebrated being a mom of a true girly girl.

Years ago when Steve and I were first dating, I began a fun, zany relationship with his sister Laura. We would play shadow puppets on the wall and just be up to silly tactics to laugh our hearts out. I know that paints a picture of us being small children. We weren’t. Ha! I have treasured my friendship of 17 years with her, as our silliness has continued and she brings the kid-at-heart part of me to the surface. But also because we get to talk about life at a deep level. I love that about her!!!! I love that she is now a mommy of a 3-month old girl and we now have the amazing awesome world of motherhood to talk about, in addition to our lives of faith and being wives. I thank God for her and her profound friendship.

Just last week I was able to spend time with her in New York. I was able to meet her absolutely breath-taking adorable daughter Isabel who is just pure cuteness!!! Being with them for a week was a treasure for me. I was thankful beyond words that between Steve, my mom and my in-laws, I could rest in assurance that my children were well cared for and I could vacation with my sweet girlfriend. Being able to sleep in, have quiet times, read whenever I wanted to, take strolls through the city without being in mommy-mode while crossing streets and holding hands, oh the joy.

Returning to my life was difficult at first. Re-entry was not exactly smooth. I was missing my super amazing friend and hadn’t really realized how genteel and near-silent life is with a 3-month old, as opposed to having a near 6-year old and 4-year old tearing through the house playing tag, laughing heartily, fighting, playing with toys, asking a ton of questions, fighting……WHOA! My ears were not used to it anymore. So it was a sudden re-entry that I was unprepared for mentally. Not to mention the mess of the house as the kids ripped through it. DOUBLE WHOA!!! Very different then a sweet, docile baby who sits in her little recliner observing the world without a single toy in her reach. I returned to sets of marble runs with hundreds of loose pieces, marbles rolling on the hardwood floor, fairy dolls, tea sets and all the rest spreading over what feels like every inch of our home.

I just recently was made double-aware of how thankful I ought to be for all the sounds. During my flight to NY I read the book “Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman. A tragic story of how she lost her five year old in an accident with a car. Awful. Tragic. I sat on the plane with a measly five pieces of toilet paper from the airport bathroom, as I practically convulsed with tears through the chapters of that book. The people sitting in my row must have wondered what in the world was wrong with me. I couldn’t stop the torrential downpour of tears that kept coming down my face. Just trying to imagine this mother’s pain in losing her child. Reading her words about desperately wanting to hear her child’s sweet voice just once more. Ugh. It made me realize that every sound (however loud it is) is a gift.

And then this past week Natalie started preschool. There I met a young child in her class who is non-verbal.  A 4-year old who cannot speak with words. Unthinkable. I think of what it felt like when Jacob & Natalie were younger and I would try to guess what they wanted or needed. I was soooooo thrilled when that guessing game was over and they could verbalize their thoughts with words. To see this young child in preschool who cannot do that, and how his mother continues in the guessing game, even now 4 years later…..ugh, the sadness.  My heart has been overwhelmed with thanks for my children’s words. Thankful that I can hear Jacob pounding Natalie with reasons why she ought to try going on Space Mountain. Thankful that I can hear Natalie say to him, “Jacob you are being soooooooo redundant. Let’s have a conversation about something else.”

So this week I’m especially thankful for sounds. Sounds from living, growing, expressive children. Thankful for the noise and boisterous sounds that at times make me crazy. Thankful that though their baby fat and cooing have been replaced by super strong muscles and incredible vocabularies, they still love to snuggle with me. Thankful that daily their cells are going through mitotic divisions without us even thinking about it. Thankful for the daily miracle of their life. Thankful for the daily privilege of being their mama.

And so as this year has revved up…..with soccer season, music classes, piano practice, preschool, kindergarten, home school activities, play & pretend drama class…..I simply want to wake up each morning thankful. Not overwhelmed. Just thankful.

Tonight Natalie reached both arms around my neck as I lay in bed next to her, tucking her in for the night. Her little hands clasped each other tightly as her arms completely hugged my neck. We lay there together just like that as she slowly drifted into sleep. And unlike other nights when I would be quicker to depart to return to the to-do’s of the kitchen and the house, tonight I just lay there. I soaked it up. I told myself, “hold onto this memory. This is a treasure forever. Hold onto this picture in your memory as tightly as she is holding onto your neck right now. Hold on. Don’t let this slip away.” This is the first time Natalie has held onto me like that. Over dinner I explained how I would be gone for the week and all the details of who will be caring for her while I will be gone. So tonight as she went to bed she was extra loving and extra hopeful of a sweet, tight embrace. She doesn’t want me to leave. Or she wants me to take her with me.

In the midst of that, my emotions started to well up. Tomorrow morning I leave for a flight to New York City. When I booked this flight, I was so careful not to book my return flight out of NY on 9/11.  How could I? It’s the 10-year anniversary of that awful day in our country’s history. What are the chances that as we all mournfully remember that tragedy, that somehow somewhere a second awful catastrophe will occur? It has crossed my mind, considering that it was only months ago that Osama Bin Laden was captured and killed. Will there be some form of revenge? Oh goodness, too much for my mind to try to think about. And, yet, tonight with my face pressed up against the smooth, soft skin of my sweet little Natalie, I couldn’t help but wonder and really hope that I will indeed be able to return on Friday and hold her like this once again. I am praying and hoping for a safe flight back home to my family at the end of this week. Oh Lord please, I pray.

It seriously only feels like yesterday that I was pushing Jacob around in a stroller. And yet today was a full on roller coaster day at Disneyland! He’s two months shy of his 6th birthday and you know what he wanted to do today? Only roller coasters. It was a special trip for him and I together…..and so we tackled all the big rides!

1) Space Mountain                                                                                                                            2) Matterhorn                                                                                                                                      3) Thunder Mountain Railroad                                                                                                          4) Indiana Jones                                                                                                                                  5) Splash Mountain (we sat in the front and were completely totally sopping wet!)            6) Matterhorn again (this time the other track)

…..and then we headed over to CA Adventure.

Jacob is absolutely dying to go on California Screamin’. He is about one-inch shy of the minimum height requirement. I promised him I would not let him eat any more good growing food from here on out……just gobs and gobs of all kinds of junk food. I don’t want my sweet baby boy growing up anymore. As soon as he grows an inch, he’s going to be zooming past in “loop-de-loop” roller coasters as he calls them!!! Aaaugh!! I’m not sure I can handle that. Okay, okay, I’m just kidding. But still. How is it that my baby boy is already dreaming of being old enough to go to Magic Mountain with all the “big” Young Life kids? He’s so eager to grow, get tall, take on exciting fun challenges.

Since he was just not tall enough for that crazy Screamin’ roller coaster ride today, we tried Tower of Terror today for the 1st time. And oh boy!!!! Let me tell you, that was intense!! I was freaking out in anticipation. Not knowing what exactly I was walking into and what it would be like or if it was all that great of an idea to take my not-even-6-year-old on this, had me quite nervous. His eyes were huuuuuuuuuge with adrenaline and excitement and nervousness. And when the ride ended he shouted at the top of his lungs, “THAT WAS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!” From there we we headed off to our last ride of the day: the ever so awesome Grizzly Run raft ride.

As we walked back to the car soaking wet, thoroughly exhausted and exhilarated by the day’s activities, I had a huge grin on my face. Days like these are precious beyond words. I know the day will come when he won’t want to hold mama’s hand…..but today, still, we can. And I’m going to cherish that.